The Lost Moments
by Falling.Twilight
Summary: This FF is an Extended Version of the chapter The Prince's Tale HP & the DH. From the moment Severus first sees Lily Evans and falls for her, til the very last moment of his death. A tribute to our beloved hero Severus Snape. Completed :3
1. Chapter 1

**_The Lost Moments_ is my next try at ff writing after Black Rose. However as you may have noticed this is not Twilight but Harry Potter.**

**The Lost Moments is a one-shot ff that shows, from Snape's point of view, important moments of his life that are not _completely _shown in the HP series,**

**concentrating in his love for Lily Evans,**

**and his feelings for James and Harry.**

**From the first time he sees Lily,**

**to the moment of his death,**

**I present to you the Extended Version of The Prince's Tale:**

**The Lost Moments.**


	2. First Encounter With Lily Evans

'_You're weird, not normal, and now look what we have as a result!'_

'_Don't you dare take it on your son!'_

'_You are two freaks, and he's no better than you –!'_

'_Don't you dare take it on Severus!'_

'_I'll pack my bags and leave the next moment I see –'_

'_No, Tobias, don't!'_

The young boy closed the door with his hand silently, and sat down, hugging his knees, in one corner. The grey walls surrounding him were not very noise proof, and he could still hear a trace of his parents' screams. As he watched with pain the filth and mess of his room, a tear trickled down his long nose. Little did his father do but shout and complain at his mother or get furious with him. He tried to avoid the tears as much as possible while in front of them – it would set his father off, and make his mother start crying again – but he let everything go there, in that grey corner of his bedroom. If there was one thing he could not understand, was why they had got married if his father despised and loathed magic so much.

'You're too young,' his mother used to tell him every time he asked her, while she tugged him in his dirty bed, her haughty expression filled with love, 'but you'll get the chance to fall in love one day, and you'll see how love makes you feel towards a certain person, no matter how or who they are...'

'Then dad doesn't love you anymore?'

This question made his mother frown and shed silent tears again, but was never answered.

A loud crash made Severus jump. His mother was crying louder than before, and he couldn't stand it any longer. Wiping the tears from his face, he walked to his window and drew open the curtains; the sun was shining bright outside, but somehow that brightness did not seem to reach his own house. He opened the window silently and looked down – he would be able to make his way down safely – and closing his eyes tightly, he jumped.

There was no pain or sound. As he opened his eyes once again, he realized he was sitting on the floor beside his brick house. He gazed at it for a second, the dim light coming from inside, the continued shouts of his father; he stood up and, before he started crying again, he shoot across the street as fast as he could, glad the zone was practically uninhabited. He did not care where he was heading for, he just ran, ran for what seemed like a long time to him. He got out of Spinner's End and headed for a place that didn't remind him so much about his house, of all the terrible, painful memories.

Out of air, he finally stopped in a little playground, and sat behind a bush. He was tired, hungry, sad... He hated his life, he hated his father, he hated everything around him. As new tears swelled up in his black eyes, he grabbed a flower from the near bush and tore it into pieces angrily.

'_Stay with Petunia at all times, honey.'_

Severus turned around and peered through the bush at the woman who had spoken. She was talking to a girl a little older than he was, as she continuously glanced at the swings. After a quick kiss to her daughter, the woman disappeared walking down the empty street. Another tear fell from his long nose. _That_ was a family, a real, happy family, were the mother and father truly loved their sons and daughters – a family completely opposite to his. He watched the girl approach the swings, and there he caught sight of another girl, from whom he could only see her back and her long, red hair.

_Muggles,_ he thought as he watched them swing happily, _happy, but Muggles nonetheless._

He turned his back to the girls and hugged his knees again, but the sudden scream of one of the girls made him want to look out of pure curiosity.

The blond, older girl had stood up from her swing and was covering her mouth with her hands in horror, staring at her sister, who was trying to catch a butterfly with her hand, standing on the top tube of the swing and dangerously walking on it.

'_Come down!_' the blond girl screamed desperately.

'Wait!' the other girl shouted at her, still walking and trying to catch the fluttering butterfly. Severus watched silently – he was sure the girl was going to fall.

'_LILY!_'

It was too late – the girl called Lily had wrongly placed her foot and slipped, falling backwards...

But no collision came. The girl had fallen swiftly, just like a feather, on the ground below. Severus' eyes widened. That had been impossible. From that height, _backwards_ – she should be seriously injured at the _least_.

The blond girl was still crying and shrieking as she stood horrified, but her sister ran to her.

'I'm fine, Tuney, look at me!' she kept on saying, but the Tuney girl didn't stop crying. 'Don't cry! Look, I'll show you something –'

Severus had a bare second to hide – Lily had ran to the bush were he was kneeling. She sat in front of it and picked one of the dead flowers that he had torn apart only moments before. Severus gaped at her through the bush. She had beautiful, almond-shaped green eyes, and her red hair framed her pretty, smiling face, as the flower she was holding started to grow and blossom out of thin air. Her sister stopped crying but looked at Lily with shock.

'How did you _do_ that?' she asked, taking a step away from her little sibling.

'I don't know,' Lily answered, gazing at the flower with a small smile, 'I just do it.'

'Stop it,' the blond girl said, pale, 'Stop it or I'll tell mum.'

'But Tuney –'

'_Stop it!_' shrieked Tuney, and ran away from Lily to the arms of her mother, who had just appeared walking by the swings. Lily stared at the flower, her green eyes filled with tears, and let it rest on the floor as she walked, defeated, to her mother's side.

Severus followed her with his eyes. So she was _not_ a Muggle after all, but her family was. _Mudblood_, a voice said in his head. But he was still entranced by the girl named Lily, especially by her astonishing eyes. He watched her go silently.

_One day,_ he thought childishly, _I'm going to marry her._


	3. When Things Don't Turn Out As Expected

Severus hid behind his favorite bush and waited. He had been going to the playground for weeks just to watch the young red-headed girl play with her sister – which always ended up in the elder one crying or getting angry at Lily for doing magic. Several times they had been accompanied by their mother, who, unwillingly, had had to tell off her younger daughter for little Petunia's sake.

That morning, however, Lily and Petunia appeared alone, both of them racing to the swings. Severus kneeled and peered over the bush to watch the girls laughing as they saw who could go higher in her swing. It was not long before Lily started longing to do some of her magic – and soon Petunia was on her feet again, hands on her hips.

'Lily, don't do it!'

Her sister was going higher and higher in her swing until – she let go. For a split second, Severus didn't breathe - but Lily laughed and flew over the air, and as she landed as a feather the same way she had done the first time he had seen her, Petunia started shrieking again.

'Mummy told you not to!' she scolded, 'Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily!'

'But I'm fine,' Lily got to her feet giggling, and the sound of her laughter made Severus blush, but he hid behind the bush again. Lily was walking towards him to, as he knew very well, pick up one of the flowers.

'Tuney, look at this. Watch what I can do.'

Hesitatingly, Petunia walked to her side with disapproval written all over her face, and watched Lily's flower open and close. Severus grimaced - easy trick.

'Stop it!' Petunia gave her usual cry, the one which Severus couldn't stand any more, reminding him of his mother.

'It's not hurting you.'

'It's not right... How do you do it?'

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Severus, plucking up his courage, jumped out of his hiding place. He had been longing to talk to her and now was the right moment.

'It's obvious, isn't it?'

He felt himself blush again as Petunia backed away to the swings and Lily penetrated him with her beautiful, green eyes.

'What's obvious?' Lily asked him. His heart jumped in his chest – he was talking to her. He was talking to her about something very important as well, but nevertheless, her sweet voice was directed _to him_. He glanced at Petunia, wanting this moment to be shared only but the two of them, but she was well away.

'I know what you are,' he said in a low voice.

'What do you mean?'

'You're... You're a witch.'

Severus expected her to show some excitement or surprise at his mysterious words, but instead, Lily looked insulted.

'_That's_ not a very nice thing to say to somebody!' she said, and turned away to go back with her sister. Severus felt his stomach squirm and his heart sink.

'No!' he ran towards her quickly - he wouldn't let this moment be ruined just like that. 'You _are_. You _are_ a witch. I've been watching you for a while. But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard.'

He expected to hear her question about his father, a question he was ashamed to answer. He stared into Lily's eyes, but Petunia, laughing coolly, interrupted a moment that should have been private.

'Wizard! I know who _you_ are. You're that Snape boy!' she turned to her sister with a scowl on her face, 'They live down Spinner's End by the river. Why have you been spying on us?'

Severus felt a rush of pain swell inside him, ashamed to be who he was, and felt a longing to burst into tears – but it was immediately followed by hate and loathe as he realized what kind of person was insulting him.

'Haven't been spying,' he snapped back, not wanting to start a fight with Lily's sister in front of Lily herself, but he couldn't stop the hate for Petunia Evans. 'Wouldn't spy on _you_, anyway. _You're_ a Muggle.'

Trying to make an impression on the girls, he used a term he was sure they didn't know – but he immediately noticed that Petunia and Lily felt offended rather than impressed.

'Lily, come on, we're leaving!' Petunia ordered, and Lily followed her, glaring at him.

Severus could not hide his sadness. He stood silently, watching them go. He had blown it. The first time he ever talked to Lily Evans, the girl he was so keen in talking to, had turned out horribly. Now Lily hated him, for sure. When they had disappeared from his sight, he sat down and gazed at the floor, sniffing. He liked her very much, and now he wouldn't be able to speak to her again, possibly. He felt the tears, but backed them away harshly. He didn't have to cry - he had to be strong. He would try another day.

But as he stood up to walk to his house, the image of those big, green eyes glaring furiously at him stung him like a bee, painfully, in his heart.


	4. The River

**I wrote this chapter for a friend of mine who kept telling me to write a oneshot about a beautiful Deviantart showing Snape and Lily as kids by the river that appears when they're talking about Dementors. So it's short I wrote this listening to I'll Be by Edward McCain and Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, so I guess it will have more effect if you read it with a sad yet a happy song... don't know if I made myself clear. Anyway. There you go.**

* * *

'Come with me!'

'Where are we going?'

'Come on!'

Severus turned around to see if Lily was still in conditions of running, but instead she bumped into him. Rubbing her head with her hand, she frowned.

'Where are you taking me?' she asked as Severus blushed at the thought that they had just touched.

'Somewhere nice,' he replied mysteriously, and started running again. 'Come on, Lily!'

Panting and scowling the girl followed him down the street and into a thick mass of green trees. He stepped in without hesitation, but Lily lingered at the edge. Severus sighed in exasperation.

'Nothing is going to happen,' he told her rolling his eyes. Pressing her lips, Lily followed slowly, and Severus had to wait for her to catch up.

'Can we – not _run_?' Lily asked him as she got by his side, seeing he was preparing to do so. He grunted but started walking instead. 'Is it too far away?' She asked him again, clearly concerned about her sister's whereabouts.

'No, we're nearly there,' Severus replied quietly, glancing around.

'Good,' Lily smiled, 'because I can't run anymore. Severus, what if we fly –!'

'We can't fly,' Severus snorted, but Lily frowned again.

'_I_ can!'

'No, you can't, you just can –' Severus tried to explain, but Lily interrupted him.

'Severus, _look_!'

She ran a few steps ahead of him, into a clearing of the forest, and he smiled. They were standing in a little cliff of no more than a meter high, and below a river sparkled and glittered with the sun's light. The trees surrounding them gave them a greenish light, and Lily couldn't help beaming in astonishment at the beauty of the place.

'Here,' Severus said, and, courageously, took her hand. His heart gave a jolt of happiness, and, trying to avoid the blushing, he hid his face from her and spoke quickly, 'Let's go down, be careful with the pebbles.'

Lily held his hand eagerly, excited and climbed down after him.

'It's beautiful!' she exclaimed as she sat down at the edge of the river. Severus sat down in the middle of the clearing between the trees and watched her touch the water swiftly with her hand. 'How did you discover this place?'

'I ran into it when I was looking for a place to... clear my head,' he admitted, and Lily turned around to look at him questioningly. 'When my parents fight,' he added, and Lily smiled sympathetically. She stood up and sat down opposite to him.

'I know how you feel,' she said, gazing at the grass before her. Severus raised his eyebrows. 'Tuney and my mum and I keep fighting about my magic. I tend to cry in my room most of the time, when they forbid me to use it.'

'We're the same, then,' Severus said quietly, breaking a leaf into little pieces, 'You can come here when you feel sad, just like me. And you can practice all the magic you want, away from your mum and sister.'

Lily pressed her lips together in a smile.

'This place is wonderful,' she whispered, and lied down on her back to watch the trees and the sun above. Severus watched her, her green eyes sweeping the place with grace, her red hair gently dancing with the breeze. 'Thank you for showing me, Severus.'

The boy blushed.

'Friends, then?' he asked, feeling his face hot with embarrassment. Lily grinned and sat down straight again.

'No,' she said as she held her hand in the air for a small, orange butterfly to lie on it, 'Best friends.'

And, standing up to play with the insect, she left Severus sitting down on the soft grass, feeling happier than he had ever felt in his life.


	5. The Letter

The boy ran down the street, gasping for air, a letter in his hand. As he reached the deserted playground he had visited so many times before, he saw the girl standing on her swing and running to meet him on his way.

'Did you get it?' Severus asked, showing her his Hogwarts letter. Lily shrieked in excitement.

'Yes!' she said happily, 'I've just come from my house, Tuney and mum have been fighting again – a man came to give me my letter, did he go to your house too?'

'No,' Severus said, puzzled, 'who was he?'

'Professor Dumbledum, or something –'

'Dumbledore!' he whispered, widening his eyes, 'Yes, Transfiguration teacher, according to my mum, he must have gone to your place to explain to your parents, since they're Muggles.'

'Yes, that!' Lily said, beaming, 'He told us about Hogwarts, and I told him I already knew, and I think he was very kind with us –'

'So that's why your sister and your mother fought?' Severus asked her, frowning slightly. Lily's smile disappeared.

'Yeah,' she answered quietly, 'Tuney was sure you were lying, and when she saw this Dumbledore she hid in her room and started crying...'

Her voice faded and her green eyes grew brighter.

'Can't she come with us too?' she whispered to her friend, and Severus' mouth tightened.

'No,' he said rather harshly, 'she's a Muggle. She can't come. She has no magic at all. She's not like you.'

A tear spilled from Lily's eye, and Severus pressed his lips together.

'But you can see her every summer, and on Christmas, and on Easter holidays –'

'But she's my sister! I can't – she hates me now, because of what I can do –'

'So you're quitting the greatest opportunity of your life because of your sister?' Severus asked, astonished. Lily shook her head quickly.

'No! But still it doesn't seem fair that some people can go and others can't –'

'There's nothing you can do about it,' Severus replied, 'So Petunia will have to accept it.'

Lily frowned at him.

'Easy for you to say, seeing as you have no one who cares about you going to Hogwarts!' she shouted, glaring at him, but immediately froze as she saw Severus' expression. 'No, I didn't mean it _that_ way – I mean your dad is – he is not – Tuney is different because – I didn't –'

'It's okay,' Severus muttered, turning around to hide his teary eyes.

'Severus, I'm _sorry_ –'

'It's okay,' he repeated and, after wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his overlarge coat, he turned to her again. Lily hesitated a smile.

'That's it, then, we're going to Hogwarts!' she said in an attempt to make him happier, 'Only two weeks to go!'

'Yeah,' Severus said, 'It's going to be _great_.'

And, walking side by side with Lily Evans, they walked away from the playground, the boy's inside swelling with happiness at the thought that he would have the chance to spend a whole year with the cheerful girl of the green, almond-shaped eyes he so much liked.

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**A/N: I swear I read somewhere that dumbledore used to teach transfiguration before becoming headmaster. but I don't know what the hell mcgonagall was doing then, because when snape and lily entered hogwarts she was already there!**


	6. Petunia's Letter

**First of all, thank you to all of you who told me about Dumbledore and McGonagall, that was really nice and helpful partly because this chapter needed that info and because the next chapter will also need it. SO THANKS!**

**Second, to Yoshimi Minamino, who wanted to see the deviant that inspired last chapter, this is the link: ew that was hell of a link.**

**ANYWAY. Thanks, everyone!**

* * *

'Welcome back, Lily, remember to – oh, hello, Severus.'

The two friends entered Lily's house after her mother, who looked apprehensively at Severus' clothes and greasy hair. The boy glared at her as he passed; he did not like being in that house filled with Muggles, but he would do anything for Lily.

'We're going to my room,' Lily announced as she started jumping up the stairs, leading her friend, but her mother, her eyes wide, caught her by her hand.

'Why don't you go play to – er – the garden?' she said faking a smile – she wanted to have that boy on view as much as possible.

'But we want to go to my room, I want to show him something,' Lily insisted, and after her mother had let her hand go, she continued jumping up. Severus followed her, narrowing his eyes as Lily's mother glared back at him. 'Come on, Sev, look at my room.'

Severus entered the room after her, and gazed at it for a minute. The walls were a soft, lilac color that combined nicely with the white bed and furniture Lily owned; all her personal belongings were in matching lilac or pink. It seemed the girl had made an effort to show she was indeed a girl.

'Come on,' Lily urged him as she realized he was not moving. 'Do you like it?'

'Well...' Severus hesitated, trying to be sincere but not harsh, 'I'm a boy. But compared to my room, this is very nice.'

With sadness he remembered his grey and dirty walls and ceiling, occasionally filled with flies, the mess of his bed, his things and few clothes all lying around the room, the darkness...

'I wish _I_ had a room like this,' he added under his breath, contemplating with sudden jealousy and pain at Lily's room.

'You have to show me your house, I've never seen it,' Lily said as she sat on her bed and patted on it for Severus to sit with her. He didn't see her gesture and sat on the floor.

'And you're better that way,' he muttered with such a dark expression Lily didn't raise the subject again.

'Look, I went to Diagon Alley yesterday!' she exclaimed and ran to her closet. Severus frowned.

'I thought I would show you were it is tomorrow,' he said and Lily shook her head.

'My mum told me she had received indications to go, and we _had_ to go yesterday,' she explained, and when Severus looked puzzled, she added, 'I have dentist tomorrow.'

Severus' expression did not lighten, but he nodded in comprehension.

'I would have liked to go with you,' she said as she started rummaging inside the closet again, 'But things didn't turn out okay.'

'I see,' he replied quietly. At that moment she pulled out a big cage with a beautiful brown owl inside; it looked frightened.

'Watch! I called her Marilyn!' she said, beaming, 'Because of Marilyn Monroe!'

Severus stood up quickly, frowning, not because of the name he had never heard before, but because of the poor owl's conditions.

'What do you think you're doing, keeping an owl in your closet!' he told her, taking the owl's cage from her, 'She's going to die in there!'

'But I can't keep her outside,' Lily said sadly, 'Tuney starts shrieking. She hates Marilyn.'

'Well, Petunia is going to have to live with it,' he replied fiercely, placing the cage on the window sill, 'Where is she?' he asked her, marching towards the door, even though he did not know which of the rooms was Petunia's.

'Out with school friends,' Lily answered, following him out of the room, scared, 'What are you going to do?'

'She's a _Muggle_, Lily, she can't understand us,' Severus told her as he continued searching, 'She'll have to adapt to your magical stuff, not _you_ to her whims. Is that her room?'

Lily nodded, fright in her green eyes. They both entered a bright pink room, the wallpaper covered in soft pink roses. Unlike Lily's, this room did not show Petunia was a girl – it showed Petunia had a horrible and disgusting taste for decoration. He roamed around the room, looking.

'Sev, I don't think we should be in her room...' Lily started, but Severus interrupted her.

'She's just a Muggle,' he said, and Lily frowned.

'That Muggle is _my sister_,' she replied, angrily, 'so you'd do better if you –'

'Lily! Look!'

Severus had just spotted an envelope on Petunia's desk.

'It's a letter from Hogwarts, look at the sealing,' he said, examining it. Lily had walked to his side and was examining the envelope with us much curiosity as he was. Severus turned around the letter and read the neat handwriting, 'Lily, it's – it's from Dumbledore!'

'_What_?' she exclaimed. Severus opened it. 'No, wait – we can't –'

'She won't notice,' he said, 'I can't _believe_ a Muggle has contacted Hogwarts...'

As he took out the letter inside, Lily snatched it from his hand and read it aloud.

'_Dearest Petunia Evans_,' she started, and glanced at her friend, who was watching the paper intently, 'Calm down, Sev – _Dearest Petunia Evans, I am most upset to inform you that no matter how much I would like you to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, you will not be able to. To enter Hogwarts in the first year, you should be eleven years old, which you have outgrown, and if you entered now, the magic learned in your year would not be at your level, as you have not yet shown signs of magic. But it is mostly because of your lack of magic skills that you cannot attend. However, as Hogwarts School is not compulsory, if you show signs of magic in future, you could be home schooled, which should be as good as attending my school._

'_My regrets, Petunia, for not being able to help you more than that. Albus Dumbledore.'_

Lily stopped reading and stared at Severus, who stared back into her sparkling green eyes.

'Poor Tuney,' she whispered, but Severus narrowed his eyes.

'I wonder how she sent her letter to Dumbledore...' he said.

'That was very kind... but Tuney must not have liked it at all...' Lily went on.

'I mean, she's a Muggle – obviously she has no owl and didn't borrow yours... So how did she get a letter to a wizard?'

'The post,' Lily replied, but Severus shook his head.

'The post sends letters for Muggles, unless –' he narrowed his black eyes even more, 'Unless there are wizards working undercover in the post who take care of the letters from Muggles to wizards and viceversa.'

Lily raised her eyebrows.

'Never heard of them.'

'Of course you haven't, you're whole family is Muggle, there are loads of things you haven't heard about.'

Lily looked offended, but before she could reply, the entrance door of the house opened and they heard Petunia's voice. The girl stared wide-eyed and suddenly pale at Severus, who had started running out the room.

'Wait! Sev, the letter!' she called back in a whisper, and Severus turned around groaning.

'Quick, quick, quick, quick,' Lily kept repeating under her breath as Severus arranged the letter to its original position.

'_Lily_!'

'Quick, quick, she's coming up!' Lily squealed, and immediately the boy took her hand and run out of the room. '_Watch out for the stairs!_'

Severus halted abruptly at her warning, but they were already on sigh of anyone going up – and Petunia was looking down to shout back at her mother. With relief, Severus and Lily tiptoed quickly to the latter's room and closed the door silently.

_Hide!_ Lily mouthed at him, and he looked around at the lilac environment for a place to hide. _Under the bed!_ Lily mouthed again, pointing at it. Severus crouched and started to get in when he hit his head.

'OW!' he shouted and Lily widened her eyes in warning, still against the door, listening.

'_Lily?_' Petunia's voice sounded from the other side of the door. '_You in there? Who shouted?_'

'Um – Marilyn hit her head against the cage!' she shouted back, but when she caught sight of Severus' incredulous and skeptic look, she added, 'So _I_ shouted!'

The door opened widely and Lily was thrown backwards, revealing a frowning Petunia.

'I know that Snape boy's here,' she said warningly, searching the room with her eyes.

'Why? He's never been here before,' Lily said innocently. Petunia glared at her.

'I heard his voice,' she replied coldly.

'I told you _I_ shouted,' Lily insisted, 'Look, there's Marilyn, you can see clearly where she bumped her head.'

Petunia did not even bother to look, but after a last suspicious glare at her sister, she stormed out of the room, closing the door loudly behind her. Severus poked his head from under the bed.

'That was close!' Lily whispered, her pretty face still pale from the nervousness.

Severus started laughing at her.

'You're still _white_!' he laughed, and Lily frowned, but after a moment of watching Severus roar with laughter, she gave in and started laughing with him, forgetting that Petunia could hear them, because having Severus as a friend was just wonderful.

* * *

**If none of you has read the JKR Online Interview, I suggest you to Mugglenet and read it - I added this last sentence about Snape being a wonderful friend because I was thrilled to see one of the questions they asked JK and what she answered (which I will post for you to see!):**

**Jaclyn**: Did Lily ever have feelings back for Snape?  
**J.K. Rowling**: Yes. She might even have grown to love him romantically (she certainly loved him as a friend) if he had not loved Dark Magic so much, and been drawn to such loathesome people and acts.

**See? SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED HIM! STUPID FING SNAPE U BLEW IT!**


	7. The Sorting Ceremony

**Thanks, HP & SS, I would have NEVER been able to write this without you! (And_ I_ said it was the worst book of them all... pish posh.)**

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The two first years got down of the Hogwarts Express and followed a huge, hairy, young man calling for all the students who, like the two of them, would be coursing their first ever year at Hogwarts. As they approached, they passed the two boys that had mocked Severus back on the train; they had now been joined by a shaggy looking boy with a kind face.

'Hey, Snivellus!' the two boys shouted when they saw Severus and Lily – Severus was about to draw his wand when Lily grabbed his arm to make him get into one of the boats with her.

'Don't mind them, they're so immature,' she whispered as he continued glaring at them. He scowled and looked back at Lily; she was beaming.

'We're in _Hogwarts_, Sev! We're finally here!' she exclaimed, and Severus smiled forcefully.

'I hope we get into the same House,' he muttered.

'Yes, me too, but I don't know in which of them I'd prefer to be,' she answered frowning. 'I mean, Slytherin is very good from what you tell me, but Ravenclaw and Gryffindor don't sound bad at all – Hufflepuff is okay too, with all the friendship and loyalty they say it has.'

'My mum was in Slytherin,' Severus said quietly, 'So I'll go there too, I'm sure. Family usually goes together.'

'Yes, but you heard that boy in the train,' Lily replied, 'He was hoping to make it into Gryffindor when all his family was in Slytherin.'

Severus hesitated. What if Lily didn't get into Slytherin and _he_ did...?

'You'd do best in Slytherin anyway,' he told her, trying to get the idea into her mind, 'You're very –'

But he blushed and didn't complete the sentence. Fortunately for him, Lily got distracted at the right moment; she pointed at the castle excitedly.

'_We're here!_' she shrieked and got out of the boat hurriedly. Severus followed her grudgingly, but he kept his hopes up and his fingers crossed.

They entered the castle, most of the students scared, like a little rat-like blond boy, or excited, like Lily herself. As they walked up the stairs and saw a severe-looking young woman standing there, the chattering and talking died out, and silence fell among the youngsters.

'Welcome to Hogwarts,' the woman said, staring at the small, frightened crowd, 'I am Professor McGonagall. Before you enter and take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses.'

Severus glanced at Lily, but she was paying full attention to McGonagall.

'The Sorting is a very important ceremony because while you're with us, your House will be your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the ones in your House, you will sleep in your House dormitory, and you will spend your free time in your House common room.'

Lily suddenly turned to Severus and spoke in a quick, scared whisper, 'But then that means if we're separated, we won't be able to see each other?'

Severus opened his mouth to answer, but McGonagall had started to speak again.

'There are four Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each House has its own noble history and ancestors, and every one of them has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you're here, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule-breaking will lose you points. At the end of the year, the House with most points is awarded the House Cup.

'Now please form a line, and follow me.'

Severus immediately gestured Lily in front of him and, fright and excitement swelling inside both of them, they walked into the splendid Great Hall together with the rest of the first-years. All the students inside turned to look at them, and as McGonagall placed a stool in front of the principal table, Lily turned around to talk with Severus.

'Sev, why do they give us –?'

But as she started speaking, she was interrupted by a dirty hat over the stool.

'_Thousands of years ago,_

_When I was newly sewn...'_

'_Severus, the hat is singing!_' Lily whispered, shocked.

'Yes, that's the Sorting Hat I told you about,' he replied quietly as the hat continued his song.

'We have to put that on and it will "tell us where we ought to be"?' Lily asked incredulously, quoting the hat's song. Severus snickered and nodded.

As the Sorting Hat finished his song, McGonagall drew out a long list and started calling students to try the hat. Severus' heart was beating fast – Lily was not that far down the list. Wide-eyed, they saw the boy who had made fun of Severus, 'Black, Sirius!', sorted into Gryffindor.

'See!' Lily turned around to her friend again, 'He's in Gryffindor! And his whole family is Slytherin! You could go anywhere else!'

'I'd rather Slytherin,' Severus answered grimly, glaring at Sirius Black.

'Yes, but –'

'Evans, Lily!'

Severus gave her a gentle push forward and saw her advance, trembling. He crossed his fingers and pressed his lips. _Please, let her be a Slytherin, please..._ McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on her dark red hair, and it wasn't long before it shouted, '_Gryffindor!_'

He felt his heart sink deep down his chest, and he groaned. He stared sadly at Lily, who glanced back at him with a sad smile. He kept on looking at her, and saw how she turned her back angrily on Sirius Black. Slowly, he saw the other two boys, 'Lupin, Remus!' and 'Potter, James!' join her at the table, and his heart sank even deeper and deeper, his stomach squirming. It wasn't fair.

'Snape, Severus!'

Trembling, wishing, hoping, he walked up to the stool. He glanced at the Gryffindor table – Lily had her fingers crossed and a hopeful smile, but (he saw with a rush of hatred) the Black and the Potter boy were snickering. He felt the Hat touch his head, and he closed his eyes, not being quite able to control his feelings.

'_Slytherin!_'

He got to his feet, defeated, and walked slowly towards the Slytherin table. He glanced at Lily, who was now wearing a sad expression. No, it wasn't fair. He was the one who had been Lily's best friend, the one who had revealed her what she truly was, and yet he had been separated from her. She was in the House that, supposedly, was Slytherin's great enemy. She was with Potter and Black, two boys she clearly despised. And he was alone.

'Good job,' a blonde, older boy said, patting him on his back, 'you've just been greatly honoured.'

Not until he had reached his House dormitory and tucked under the blanket he started shedding tears of sadness and loneliness, trying to console himself with the thought that she was sad because they weren't together as well.

_Yes, sad,_ he thought with a sniff, _but not as me. Not at all._

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**I wrote a song parody about Snape! I'll post it right away as a new fanfic. I luvv it! (please tell me you'll check it out!)**


	8. Breaktime

**Review? Pwease? doggy face**

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Severus closed his book when he saw Lily and one of her fellow Gryffindors come out into the open sunlight. Lily, however, didn't seem to notice him – she was in deep conversation with the other girl. Disappointed, he watched her walk to a near tree, her red hair shining beautifully, swaying with the soft breeze. At that moment, the girl glanced at his position, and immediately beamed and, after a few words with her friend, she hurried to sit by Severus' side.

'How was it?' she asked him, her green eyes sparkling with excitement.

'How was what?' he asked rather rudely; he still hadn't got over the loss of his best friend.

'Your first day,' Lily said impatiently. Severus shrugged.

''T was okay.'

Lily frowned.

'What's up with you?' she asked, kneeling nearer to him. The boy felt a shiver that had nothing to do with cold expand through his back.

'Nothing,' he replied defensively, but Lily crossed her arms over her chest.

'You haven't talked to me in all afternoon, haven't reached for me at lunch or anything, and now that I'm here with you, you talk to me as if you – as if you despised me.'

'I don't despise you!' Severus shot too quickly, and he felt himself blush.

'Then tell me what all of this is about!' Lily exclaimed, sitting down normally again. Severus sighed and avoided her gaze.

'I – hate being – you know – not with you,' he mumbled, staring at the castle's door, 'I'm in Slytherin and you're in – Gryffindor –'

'I don't see how that stops us from being friends,' Lily said coldly, 'All that house enmity pish posh is getting over you, I see.'

''Course not,' Severus said, leaving his closed Transfiguration book aside and staring at Lily fully in her face, 'It's just – I don't like some of the people that are with you –'

'We just started school! You don't know any of them! And in any case, I haven't heard myself complain about _your_ company, even when I heard some of your nasty friends making horrible remarks about _me_!'

'I – _what_?'

'You heard me! Making fun of my family and myself because they're – Muggles!'

Severus stared at her.

'Well, Slytherins have this obsession with the purity of blood,' he explained, but Lily was on the charge again.

'_You're_ a Slytherin, Severus! So don't complain about _my_ friends when yours –'

'Yours are just as bad! How about Potter and Black?'

Lily stared coldly at him before replying slowly, 'Potter and Black are _not_ my friends, Severus. But I'd rather have them than those disgusting Slytherins you hang out with.'

'They think a day is wasted if they haven't bullied someone – especially _me_!' Severus shouted, jumping to his feet. Lily copied him and moved closer to him, so close he felt himself blush again.

'Potter and Black are _not_ my friends. I remember how they treated you in the train and how they laughed at you in the Sorting and between classes. I'm on _your_ side, Sev. But if you're not going to come to my side with those Slytherins of yours, _fine_.'

She turned around and started marching away. Severus watched her back as she strode across the garden, her red hair swaying furiously...

'Better luck next time, Snivellus!'

Severus turned around to see none other than James Potter and Sirius Black roaring with laughter behind a bush, and it reminded him of the many times he had spied on Lily in the deserted playground...

'Lily!' he shouted back at her, ignoring the laughing Gryffindors. She stopped and turned around on the spot, her arms crossed across her chest. 'I'm – I'm sorry!' he said as he ran towards her, forgetting his Transfiguration book. 'I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I – I can't stop them from saying those things, but that does not mean I'm on _their_ side, Lily, I swear, I don't care you're a Muggle-born. I don't.'

Lily glared at him for a minute, and then her expression relaxed a bit.

'So, how was your first day?' she asked, and he sighed and smiled, blushing again, happy to be friends again.

'Terrible,' he said, omitting that it had been so not because of the homework, but because he had not been close to her at all. To get his message across, however, he added, 'It's much better now, though.'

Lily beamed and kept on asking him questions about his classes that he, gratefully and happily, would answer with scowls and laughs, as they strolled together under the afternoon sunlight.

'What _does_ he have?' James asked Sirius incredulously as he watched, disappointed, Lily Evans and the boy he disliked so much on speaking terms again.

'Well,' Sirius hesitated, 'Greasy hair and ugly faces do seem to make quite an impression on Evans.'

'He's a disgusting Slytherin!' James exclaimed, and Sirius patted him on the back.

'You and I, we have luck with most of the women,' he said fatherly, 'but Snivellus – he has luck with Evans, the only girl we haven't been able to reach.'

'I promise I'll make a hell of his life,' James muttered.

'I'm _in_,' Sirius said maliciously and, after an enthusiastic high-five, they ran to meet their friends Remus and Peter under a tree several meters away from them and tell them what had just happened, disguising James' disappointment with amusement and with attraction the love and tenderness he felt for the red-haired young Lily Evans.


	9. Not A Hero

**LISTEN UP, EVERYONE!**

**The following chapter is what many people wanted to know: what really happened when James saved Snape's life. HOWEVER, this is _my_ view of what happened (as everything else, of course,) but you must know that the event did not happen in this way. More info after the chappie! **

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_The Whomping Willow at around nine in the evening,_ Sirius Black had said. Severus watched the tree for a while from the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and then back at his watch – ten past eight. He had tricked him into getting seriously out of bounds. With an intense wave of hate towards Black, Severus started to stomp out from behind the trees, when a sudden movement caught his attention. James Potter was running to the tree he had been watching for the last half hour and, after poking it with a large stick, he disappeared, the Invisibility Cloak Severus knew so well tight in his hand. Severus stared, puzzled. Why wasn't he _wearing_ his Invisibility Cloak? And why wasn't he with his best friends, alone in the night?

Silently, he got near the Whomping Willow and touched its trunk – immediately, the tree started to shake his branches furiously, trying to get to him. Severus jumped back, shaking by the sudden attack.

_Poke it with a stick right in the __biggest knot,_ Sirius had said. Frantically, the boy started searching for the fat branch James had used, but the darkness was playing against him. With a glance at the castle, he drew out his wand and murmured '_Lumos!_'. Grabbing the stick, and taking care of the furious branches trying to hit him, he poked the tree several times until, suddenly, the Whomping Willow was immobile. Severus approached cautiously the trunk and saw a hole – an entrance. The ceiling was quite low, but he managed to get in. It seemed long and dark, so, pointing his wand ahead, he started crawling.

Minutes passed, and he kept on crawling. He felt his knees and hands sore and dirty from the soil, but he did not give up. He knew Remus Lupin and his friends were up to something, casually every full moon. But no matter how many times he told Lily about his theory, she started scolding him. Well, now he would prove it to her and if he was lucky, she would stop talking to them.

A dim light ahead distracted him from his dreaming. He was almost there. He crawled faster, and faster... and halted. Furious howls and moans came from ahead, barking, groaning. He moved forwards to see what it was – when something collided with him that he could not see.

'Snape! Go back!'

He did not think it twice – Severus drew his wand as he exclaimed, 'Potter!'

His Invisibility Cloak had slipped from him, and, with the light coming from his wand, Severus could see he was pale and frightened.

'Go back _now_!' he repeated pushing him backwards.

'I've discovered your secret, haven't I, that's why!' Severus shouted.

'No, Snape, listen! Sirius told you all that stuff so you'd come here on purpose!' James whispered hurriedly, still trying to make Severus go back. 'Remus is there, and he's – he's dangerous, Snape! I know your theory, so you got it right, is that what you wanted? Now go _back_!'

Severus pointed his wand at James' chest, but the Gryffindor had already drawn out his and had sent him flying backwards, deeper into the tunnel.

'Snape, _he will kill you!_'

But Severus was not listening anymore – he was watching a big, grey wolf in the entrance of the tunnel, rigid. James wheeled around and saw the wolf that was supposed to be his best friend Remus Lupin.

'_Snape, run,_' James whispered and, without thinking it twice, Severus started crawling backwards as fast as he could, but the werewolf was faster – he had darted forwards to James with a loud groan and showing its teeth.

'RUN!'

There was a flash of red and the wolf was thrown back with a loud moan, but then it was back on its feet and on the chase again – it jumped to reach James again but the boy quickly laid flat on the ground and Lupin crashed with Severus, whose wand flied away from his hand –

'_Stupefy_!' James cried, but the spell missed... The werewolf stared into Severus' black eyes, and reached for his neck –

'_IMPEDIMENTA!_'

The spell hit straight into the back of the wolf's head, and it stayed still, its pointed teeth only inches away from Severus' flesh. He poked his face around the wolf's immobile body and saw James, pale and drenched in sweat. He stared back him.

'If he kills you, they kill me,' he said, breathing hard. After a few seconds of silence, he grabbed Remus by the tail and hind legs and started pushing backwards to take it into the Shrieking Shack once again.

'He'll come back in any second,' James told Severus, who was still to shocked and frightened to react, 'so I suggest you leave – I have my Invisibility Cloak. And you'd better tell no one about this, Snivellus.'

Severus glared at him, trying to explain James' actions to himself, but after a slight movement of the werewolf's eyes, he scurried back through the tunnel out into Hogwarts' gardens, and did not stop running until he was back in the Slytherin common room, where he threw himself into a couch to think about the night's events.

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**What really happened here is the following: Severus went down the hole, but did not get to the Shreaking Shack or interact with Lupin. James stopped him before he got there, but Snape saw Remus at the end - just saw him, nothing else happened, and then Dumbledore forbid him to talk. However, it is quite interesting, for there is something that doesn't quite fit - which will I proceed to explain you the next chapter, as there's a possible solution.**

**Anyway, I just made the chap this way to make it more interesting! ( I don't really think James would have attacked little fluffy Remus )**


	10. The Potter Dilemma

**Sorry for not posting - but I've been seriously busy these last days. Besides I don't have my copy of Deathly Hallows with me so I won't be able to post in a while - AND I'm also working in another fic... totally disastrous, my net life is xp**

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Severus slowly backed away from the laughing Slytherin gang, taking the opportunity they were having too much fun bullying a lonely first year Ravenclaw, and hid behind the door of an open classroom, but it was not long before he heard Avery ask for him.

'Where's Severus?'

'Must've seen McGonagall with the results of the test,' he heard Mulciber say, and the rest of the boys started laughing.

'Talkin' 'bout McGonagall, d'you think we could possibly get that Pimpling Powder in her chair...?'

'Of course, let's just _find_ the Powder again...'

The voices started to grow fainter and fainter, and Severus took the risk of stepping out – no Slytherins around. He sighed, and started walking hurriedly to the gardens, Lily's favorite place to be. The last time he had seen her she had been calming down a crying Mary McDonald after she'd encounter Mulciber on her way from the dungeons, and Lily had – _glared _at him. As if he had done something wrong. As if it was _his_ fault that Mary was so stupid and naïve.

'Sev?'

Severus wheeled around to bump into Lily, and immediately felt himself blush.

'I was going to the courtyard to look for you,' he said quickly, following her into the sunlight, but Lily was busy searching with her eyes the distant trees and the edge of the lake. 'Um – Lily?'

'I can't be with you right now,' she replied coldly, and Severus froze, 'I'm looking for Pat.'

And, smiling and waving her hand at someone in the distance, she resumed her walking. Severus looked at her, and when he felt he could move again, he ran to her side.

'But – what about me? You barely talk to me these days and I – you hang out with all your Gryffindors and I – I thought – I thought we were supposed to be friends? Best friends?'

Lily immediately turned her direction to somewhere Severus was not paying attention to, and he simply followed her, nervous and scared by her answer.

'We _are_, Sev, but I don't like some of the people you're hanging around with! I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! _Mulciber_! What do you see in him, Sev? He's creepy! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary McDonald the other day?'

Oh, so it _was _about that after all. He watched Lily lean against a pillar and stare at him full in the face, things in his mind he did not want to say trying desperately to get out.

'That was nothing,' he said, ignoring the battle raging inside himself, 'It was a laugh, that's all –'

'It was Dark Magic, and if you think it's funny –'

As soon as she pronounced 'Dark Magic,' Severus couldn't hold all what he wanted to say to her.

'What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?' he felt himself blush again from anger; he wanted her to _understand_...

'What's Potter got to do with anything?' she said, frowning, and Severus attacked again.

'They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?'

'He's ill. They say he's ill –'

Expected answer.

'Every month at full moon?' he asked her.

He already knew – he knew what was happening, but as Dumbledore had forbid him to tell anyone, at least he would try to give Lily hints – but Lily was against him.

'I know your theory,' she said slowly, coldly, 'Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?'

'I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are,' he replied truthfully, staring at her into her deep, sparkling, green eyes. It _was_ the truth – the 'amazing Potter' had nothing of amazing in him. An arrogant, a bully, a rule breaker – but he was distracted by Lily, who had just blushed.

'They don't use Dark Magic, though,' she muttered, and Severus felt a strong urge to hit something, 'And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there –'

With anger, he remembered the scene of the werewolf and James' words, _if they kill you, they kill me_ – he had never cared in hurting, humiliating, or jinxing him, and suddenly he had 'saved his life'? He had surely boasted about it – but Severus knew better, he had only 'saved' him because the consequences of Sirius' acts would affect him and Sirius too. And now Lily was defending them!

'Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to – I won't let you –'

But whatever he was going to 'not let her' do she never knew, because now Lily had narrowed her eyes and was glaring at him furiously, saying, '_Let_ me? _Let_ me?'

Severus quickly tried to find words and again found his insides raging.

'I didn't mean – I just don't want to see you made a fool of – he fancies you, James Potter fancies you!' and there they went: the words he loathed so much, and now they were spitting out because he couldn't control his emotions when around Lily, 'And he's not... Everyone thinks... Big Quidditch hero –'

And now he was making a fool of himself.

'I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag,' she said interrupting him, 'I don't need you to tell me that –'

But Severus was not listening any more. She hated Potter. She hated him. She – Lily Evans – hated James Potter. He glanced at the sun and, to his surprise, it seemed to be brighter than before, and the people around the lake, happier. Lily Evans was not a fool at all – she knew what was best. She hated Potter. She hated him.

Only when Lily stopped talking and stared at him frowning he realized he was being addressed, but instead of asking her to repeat, he started walking away from the pillar, Lily by his side.

'So,' Severus said cheerfully, 'd'you know the next date for Hogsmeade?'


	11. Filthy Little Mudblood

**I am so extremely sorry for not updating in a while. I STILL don't have my DH back - but I'll have it soon, I swear - so I haven't written anything new. This chapter was in my old computer, though, so I can post it now. I've been extremely busy with hw and WILL be (I have my IGCSEs coming as well as the MOCKs and End of Year Exams.), so don't expect me to write much.**

**Well - expected chapter, I guess, and one you may already know by heart! But this is Sev's side of the story ;3 So i hope you like it. That's it for now.**

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…_only passed on by the act of biting, these victims will transform into wolves every month at the full moon. They have no control over their selves, and do not realize who or what they attack except when they have already un-transformed into humans again, so their wolf gene is passed on to more people. However dangerous, werewolves can be recognized by a series of characteristics, which consist on their snout shape, their tufted tail, the short-haired fur, the thinner pupil of their pitch black eyes, and their bigger paws._

Severus stopped writing and looked around. No one near had written as much as he had, and he felt a wave of pride expand through him. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Potter grinning at Black, four seats behind him, and the latter gave him the thumbs up. Groaning, Severus went back to his parchment. Okay, he had finished. He went back to the beginning of the exam and started rereading.

'Quills down, please! That means you too, Stebbins!' Professor Flitwick shouted, and Severus quickly grabbed his quill and wrote three more words. 'Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_'

His answers flew away from his hand, and the huge amount of rolls of parchments zooming to Flitwick knocked him backwards. Severus rolled his eyes, but the rest of the students laughed and some even helped him up again.

'Thank you... Thank you... Very well, everybody, you're free to go!'

Severus took his question paper and started reading it again to check his already handed in answers. Fourteen 'b' had been missing one little single point... Well, that would cost him. But besides from that, he had written it very well. He went back to question ten while he walked out of the Great Hall and towards the castle courtyards. Wait – he had made a mistake in number nine – non-verbal spells didn't fit in this questions, they weren't even supposed to see them until next year. That's the consequence of writing more than you're supposed to. Never mind, maybe they'd count it as something extra, and consider him as an advanced student. That would be great. But maybe the missing point in fourteen 'b' would cost him his desired 'O'. But it was such a tiny mistake... maybe they wouldn't even realize... What was he talking about, they _would_ realize, they are the examiners...! He groaned again and sat down on the grass, not even paying attention to where he was.

Okay then, he had to count – he had questions one, two and four completely right, apparently, while in three he had done reasonably well, though he should have added a description of the real appearance of a Boggart. Well, they didn't really _ask_ for it in the question – but it would have been good to add it.

Suddenly, forgetting the O.W.L. completely, he thought of Lily. For the first time since the exam had finished, he took his eyes from the parchment and glanced around – no sign of her. She was surely with her Gryffindor friends, as always.

He tried to go back to the paper, but found he couldn't concentrate again. He gave a heavy sigh, and stowed the paper into his bag as he stood up. He wanted to talk with Lily, she would help him with the –

'All right, Snivellus?'

He wheeled around as fast as he could and drew his wand, dropping his bag on the floor, but Potter was faster. He yelled '_Expelliarmus!_' and his wand flew away from his hand while Black laughed. Severus quickly dived for his wand but again –

'_Impedimenta!_' Potter said, and he fell on the ground with a loud thud. All his left side hurt, and what was worse, students were starting to gather round. 'How did the exam go, Snivelly?'

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,' he heard Black say, 'There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word.'

Students surrounding them laughed. If he could only get his wand – but he was still impeded by Potter's jinx. He stared up at him, hating him, despising him, loathing him – who did he_ think _he was? Arrogant toerag, as Lily described him. His popularity was based on lies and treachery and bullying –

'You – wait,' Severus said, but his side was still hurting too much and the jinx was not cooperating with him, 'You – wait!'

'Wait for what?' Black said, 'What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?'

With a rush of loathe and fury he started to shout hexes – mixed with swear words – in the hope that his wand would react, but it was too far away.

'Wash out your mouth,' Potter said, and for an instant Severus realized what was coming next – '_Scourgify!_'

At once he felt something in his mouth, bubbling, growing, and pink soap bubbles started to fall out of his mouth, but inside it was growing and choking him – he tried to spit, but they kept coming out and out while the crowd roared with laughter...

'Leave him ALONE!'

Severus turned around quickly and he saw Lily standing there, glaring at Potter with despise, and his heart began to race – she was defending him from _Potter_. After all they had both been through, she still defended him from the 'popular' boy who liked her. He turned around again, still spitting out bubbles, and tried to reach for his wand.

'All right, Evans?' he heard Potter say with a deeper voice than his, and Severus grimaced – how _dared_ he talk to Lily... How he dared talk to Lily Evans like _that_...

'Leave him alone,' Lily's sweet voice answered, still defending him, and his heart jumped in his chest, 'What's he done to you?'

'Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...'

Severus heard everybody laugh – all except Lily, Lily, who stuck to him no matter what, who would like him no matter what...

'You think you're funny,' she said – to Severus' delight – coldly, 'But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_.'

She was so right – and he was so pleased to hear her say those words, always a comfort for him.

'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' Potter said, 'Go on... go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.'

_What?!_ How dared he – Lily was way beyond Potter – she was too much for that filth – and the fury inside him reminded him what he had to do, and tried to reach for his wand again –

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.'

Another wave of delight – he caught his wand and spun around with difficulty –

'Bad luck, Prongs,' Black said turning back to him, 'OI!'

_Sectumsempra!_ Severus thought pointing his wand at Potter before the last could react, and a bloody gash appeared on the side of his face, but he drew his wand nevertheless and Severus knew what would happen and tried to block it but –

He was hanging upside down in the air by his ankle, as his robes fell over his head. He heard everyone start laughing and cheering again, but he could not hear Lily's voice – Potter would _pay_ for this no matter what he did, no matter _what_...

'Let him down!'

That was Lily's voice. She had not given in to Potter's bullying, never –

'Certainly.'

He felt his ankle being released from the invisible magic holding it and his head banged on the floor, his robes and body following. He wasted no time – standing up, he directed his wand at Potter again, but Black shouted, '_Petrificus Totalus!_' and he fell, rigid...

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!'

Severus saw Lily draw her wand and he wished she would attack – remembering later she was too good and kind to do so. However, Black and Potter looked cautious; _they_ surely knew Lily was much better at performing magic than they were.

'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you,' Potter said, and Severus knew he was afraid of fighting against Lily – not only because she would win, but because he _liked her_...

'Take the curse off him, then!'

And in less than a minute he was back to his feet, feeling as he had never felt before, furious beyond imagination...

'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus –'

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

He did not know why he had said it – probably to prove Potter he was not weak, that he did not need help from anybody, but as soon as he spoke the last words he realized he had made a huge, grave mistake. Lily's expression was blank, surprised.

'Fine,' she said coldly, and Severus froze – she was talking to him. 'I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_.'

If Potter had said this, or Black, or even Mulciber or Avery, he would probably have felt nothing but hate and a sense of revenge – but it had been Lily. _Lily Evans_. The only person he had ever really cared about, and the only person he had ever cared about _him_. She was now against him. His breath seemed to leave him, his heart seemed to stop –

'Apologize to Evans!' he heard James said pointing at him with his wand, but he did not care if he threatened him –

'I don't want _you_ to make him apologize. You're as bad as he is.'

And she had just compared him to Potter. The arrogant, bullying toerag – what would become of _him_, then?

'What? I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!'

'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.'

Severus watched her, still frozen. She was insulting Potter as she had never done, she was hating him with every word she spoke – and yet he didn't feel relieved, or pleased, or – or anything. He felt numb. Lily now hated him too, the girl he – the girl he _loved_, he realized with a pang in his chest. He loved her. Now there was no one who would care for him at all. No one.

He gazed at the girl of the swaying red hair marching furiously across the courtyard, ignoring Potter's yells, and somehow he knew that the rest of his life would never be the same.

* * *

**Now. Let me explain something. No, not about Snape and Lily - I think I was clear about that. About the 'real appearance of a Boggart.'**

**Lupin said, in Harry's third year, no one ever discovered what a Boggart looked like when they were not transformed, because they always took the appearance of that which scares us most. BUT, what about Moody and his magical eye? Order Of The Phoenix, Chapter - I can't remember what chapter. OH YEAH Mrs. Weasley's Foes or something like that. When she battles the Boggart. Before the Prefects party they give for Ron and Hermione, Molly asks Moody what the hell was in that drawer of the floor above, and he says oh look a boggart and so she goes and cries. Okay, you get my message. The Boggart was not in a 'scary form', let's call it. So Moody saw him as it really was. So they actually KNOW what a Boggart looks like! I later saw this in Mugglenet as well, so I'm still doubtful. Whatever, I just thought it would be nice to bring it up, so here.**

**The story of my life.**


	12. Cold Goodbyes

**WOHOO! I _finally_ have my DH back I know I owe you, so in a short time I'll be posting the next chappie (don't expect it to be too soon... I've got this compulsive addiction to 24 - AND I'm still in the fourth season. so it's pure TV all day. TONY/MICHELLE FOR EVA!)**

**Now in other matters, here I have a review from my favorite reviewer: BGE (aka Baby Green Eyes,) on last chapter.**

_**Methinks Lily was unfair in this period of her life.**_

Firsty, lol, she wouldnt beat James in a duel. Even though she is super  
smart, he's been in more duel's than her and therefore knows more stuff and  
has better experience. In this story, Snape said himself that Lily would never  
hex them because she is too kind. So I dont reckon she's been in a lot of  
duels before.

ANYWAYS, I think she's being unfair because she only wants to see the bad  
things in James, and the good things in Snivellus. What about the bad things?  
In Deathly Hallows she said so herself that she has been overlooking his flaws  
for too long, aka his obsession with the Dark Arts, him BULLYING people like  
Mary McDonald and not stopping it, and calling other people Mudbloods.

HOW is James worse than him? James only duels those who offend him and his  
friends and the Slytherins, does that make him as bad as a Death Eater?

Okay, he might be cocky, he might be arrogant, but who WASNT in those days?  
ALL teenage boys his age were like that, its called LIVING. They'll grow out  
of it as soon as they have to face the real world, not in some petty school  
classroom. Everyone dueled, everyone fought, everyone was arrogant in his or  
her own way, yet she singles out James because he has the guts to pick on HER  
friend. She is being so unfair and judgemental.

What, she expects him to act 89 yrs old when he's really 15?

And she didnt even bother to get to know the real him. Why did you think  
Sirius, Remus, and Peter befriended him? Because he bullies the Slytherins??  
NO, because he's a loyal and good friend. Anyone else would have probably gone  
running if they had known that Remus was a werewolf, anyone else wouldnt have  
bothered with Sirius because of his blood and his family's reputation, anyone  
else would have bullied on and ignored Peter because he was a dumb . (Hate  
Peter! Grr)

But James didnt, and that shows SO much of his character! Why doesnt Lily  
march to anyone else who is dueling in the corridors like she does James and  
then yell at them too? Because she hates James for no reason. No logical, fair  
reason.

She would have gladly let anyone bully lets say, Peter, but if they harm  
Snivellus, then OH NO! You better leave him alone or I'll attack you with my  
tongue of fury! Boohoo!

She's not fair, she makes Snivellus a rare exception. It disgusts me that she  
would have fallen in love with him if he hadnt turned to the Dark Arts.

I LOVED Dumbledore when he told Snivellus that he disgusted him, in a cold  
voice too. That was so right. Snivellus would have let Harry and James die but  
would have spared Lily. DISGUSTING!

He's vicious and jealous and mean and cruel and hateful, and yet Lily doesnt  
want to see that, she purposely looks over it, but when James bullies  
Snivellus for a reason, then GASP HE IS WORSE THAN LORD VOLDEMORT!

I'm serious. So I guess she's sick too because she loved him in a way. I dont  
know WHY James fancied her. He certainly didnt on the train in their first  
year!

And Snivellus hurt Petunia too, all because she was mean to him after he was  
mean to her. He would kill to get to Lily, to not have anyone take him from  
her, and that shows when he dropped that branch on Petunia's shoulder. Thats  
SICK!

Also, what I would like to know is how she fell in love with James if he was  
such a 'bullying arrogant toerag'?

She's impossible, that woman is. Picky and bitchy and mean and has to get her  
own way. Thats my impression of her.

But I didnt rant because I dont like your story. NO WAY, I LOVE YOUR STORY!  
Its interesting to see in that snail's point of view.

This is not a flame, just my opinion on things. I'll continue reading,  
definately, so dont take my rant to heart. Just getting my point across. Dont  
you agree with ONE little tiny little thing about it though? Its so true.

BGE D

**BGE, I would like you to know that I LOVE YOU. You always have the point and you break all my cannons (or semi cannons.) including BS/EC. I LOVE to read your extensively long reviews and I actually ENJOY THEM. So NEVER, EVER EVER stop ranting about my fics! _I LOVE IT_!  
I _will_ write a fic dedicated to you some day - possibly... Bella/Jake. I know you like it. But the bad thing is I've got a million fics on my head now so first I'll make another HP (where the happy/controversial couple will NOT be cannon and hopefully you'll not rant about it though I know you'll manage to!)  
Keep it up ;3**

**Anyway, I wanna tell you all that I mostly update when I get massive numbers of reviews - so...**

**REVIEW, OR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL DIE!**

* * *

Severus looked up. A girl was walking toward him, apparently unaware of his presence. Only a few more seconds it cost him to realize she was Mary McDonald – he swore under his breath. She was the last person he wanted to encounter. But still, she was better than no one. After all, it didn't matter who he had to reach or what he had to do, he just wanted to see Lily.

Mary McDonald stopped dead ten feet from him, pale. She slowly gave a step back as she threw her hand to her pocket –

'No – wait!' Severus shouted, standing up. The girl eyed him suspiciously, but he raised his hands to show her he didn't have his wand in them. Of course, his pocket _did_ have it, but she needn't know; he wasn't planning on harming anybody, he just had it in case he encountered the little Gryffindor brats he _didn't_ want to encounter.

'Please – I want to speak with Lily.'

'She's not here,' Mary said quickly, not taking her hand from inside hr pocket.

'She's in the common room, I know it –'

'She won't talk to you.'

'I _need_ to speak to her!'

'You're a filthy Slytherin who just wants to get his dirty hands on Lily!'

'You have _no_ idea of what you're –'

'You called her a Mudblood! That's enough for her – for everyone.'

Mary McDonald drew her wand, but she didn't point it at him. She walked slowly to the Fat Lady's portrait, careful not to lose sight of Severus. Then, she raised her wand.

'Go back,' she ordered, 'I don't care what you do. I'm sick and tired of having your Death Eater pals bullying me and getting me jinxed all the time –'

'I won't say I don't agree with them, but –'

'Just go back!' Mary shouted, but suddenly she had frowned in what he took as a shred of fear.

'I want to speak with Lily,' Severus said, now taking a step forwards, 'I _must_ do it –'

'_Go back!_' Mary shrieked, and pressing his lips tightly and clenching his hands to fists, he gave two steps back.

'Further.'

He rolled his eyes and moved four steps back.

'A bit further.'

'Just let me –'

'I just wanna say the password, get in, and go to sleep!' Mary shouted, but Severus was now becoming desperate.

'Tell Lily I wanna speak with her!'

'I'll be caught out of bounds if I stay out here –'

'McDonald, I don't give a damn what you have to say, just _get Lily here!_'

'She won't come out.'

'I'll wait for her hours if I have to –'

'She must be sleeping already.'

'I'll sleep here then! I don't care! I'll stay right here all night long until I can speak with Lily Evans!'

Severus was out of himself now. Desperate. If he didn't speak with Lily, pain was going to kill him. Mary McDonald leaned forwards to the Fat Lady and murmured something unintelligible. The Fat Lady groaned, sleepy, and opened to let Mary pass.

'_Please!_ I'll stay here all night if I have to!'

But the girl had already got in after throwing him a nasty look. Severus stared blankly at the portrait, breathing heavily. This couldn't be happening. He needed to arrange things with Lily, needed to tell him how sorry he was for _everything_ – and it was true, he _did_ feel sorry for everything. He despised himself. Why on earth had he done it? To maintain his pride and dignity for Potter – a person he loathed and was not worth a thing. An arrogant, bullying toerag. Those three words hit him hard in his chest.

He sighed and curled on the floor. It was cold there in the corridor, but it was worth it. She would have to come out in the morning, she would never miss class for _him_ –

A soft voice coughed behind him, and Severus spun around. Lily was standing in front of the portrait, wearing her dressing gown. McDonald must have told her after all. She was beautiful. Her red hair, her penetrating green eyes –

'I'm sorry,' it was all he could manage to say, with all sincerity coming from his heart. He was pleading.

'I'm not interested.'

Her response shocked him and made him grow more desperate.

'I'm sorry!' he shouted. She needed to understand – if she never spoke to him again, if she just left him alone in a world that showed no compassion to him... What would become of him?

'Save your breath.'

Her words were cold like ice, even colder than the words she had spoken that same afternoon. He tried to find words to say, but he couldn't find them. She had all the right to be angry at him, she had all the right to make him suffer – but not like this, _please_, not like this.

'I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.'

'I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –'

'Slipped out?'

No, no, no, please, Lily, he wanted to say, please let me explain, please let me make amends, _please_...

'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it!' she exclaimed suddenly, making Severus jump. He wasn't thinking clearly enough as to deny every thing she said against him! 'You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'

Severus opened his mouth and closed it again. Yes, it was true – but after all, she didn't understand. If he joined You-Know-Who, he would be a Death Eater, a powerful person, he would be an important man in the world – just for her. He'd do everything for her. He'd steal for her, he'd kill for her, he'd die for her (and You-Know-Who, obviously), and she would finally realize it was him the chosen one for her. But how could he explain...

'I can't pretend anymore,' Lily continued 'You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.'

'No – listen, I didn't mean –'

'– to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?'

He opened his mouth, to tell her, to explain to her, to confess: he loved her. He loved her more than anything in this world. He tried to find the words, he tried to make them come out, he tried to pluck up the courage –

But Lily climbed back through the portrait hole leading to the Gryffindor common room, and it closed behind her, leaving Severus standing alone on the corridor, still struggling to talk.

* * *

**I didn't really know how to make Sevvy act during the encounter with Mary McDee... so I think it wasn't quite right. But he was so desperate to talk to Lily that maybe it's not that away from reallity - his desperation to talk to her, to _plead_ with a Gryffindor he hated... And btw, the Death Eater thing he had to impress Lily and that it purely true, I didn't make it up. I think I already told you, what Joey K said? Anyway - hope you liked it **

**PS:  
I was just wondering - you English/USAians people don't have the letter ñ in your keyboard, do you? I don't think so, English doesn't use it I just thought I'd ask.**

**PS 2:  
Sorry I called you USAians, but I don't like calling you Americans. No offense, but I'm american too, after all - I _do_ live in the American continent, so I find it rather insulting for us not to be recognized as Americans as well. It's a controversial issue, I know. Nevermind.**


	13. Explanations

**Okay, this chapter isn't so good, but I wanted to make things clear - I'll explain in the footnote. It's short - and maybe it bits around the bush too much - but it was essential. R&R **

* * *

Darkness surrounded him, but he just stared at the ceiling as if he could see it. Groaning, he removed the pillow from under his head, still wet from his recent tears.

_I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –_

_Slipped out?_

The coolness of the voice he loved to hear sounded again inside his head. He tried to block it away – but he couldn't.

_I've made excuses for you for years._

What did that mean? That she had never really wanted his company, that she had never really loved him – not even as a friend? That the only person he had thought cared about him, never did? No, it couldn't mean that - _none of my friends can understand why I even talk to you._ There was the answer. Of course those Gryffindor prats didn't understand their relationship; it was too deep for their narrow minds to understand.

But how could she have done this? Had she forgotten about the rest of their lives? After all, it had been _him_ who had told her she was a witch, it had been _him_ who had taught her everything he knew about the magical world, it had been _him_ who had taken care of her when she was sad about her Muggle sister. He had been a part of her life, she had to admit that... But so lightly she had let him go, so easily...

_I can't pretend anymore._

Pretend? Pretend what? Their friendship? The only thing that had bound them together had been _that_ exactly – their friendship. Or did she pretend... something else? An image of Potter crossed his mind, and an urge to break something swelled in him. No, Lily despised Potter. She hated him. At least, that was something that made him feel relieved – Potter would never get a chance, would never get what he wanted so much. _Neither will you_, said a voice inside his head, but, although he did mind (and it did hurt) there was the relief that Lily knew what was best for her, and the Potter boy certainly wasn't.

But if that was true – then _he_ wasn't the best thing for Lily either, if she had thrown him out of her life so... abruptly.

_You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine._

No, no, not at all. They were entwined, Lily and him. Their ways – they were the _same_. He loved her, he did, he did. And he knew Lily felt something for him too, he was certain, so, so certain. Maybe not love, but it _was_ stronger than just companionship or whatsoever. They were meant to be together. Destiny. How else could he explain, if not, how the same day he had escaped from his shabby house in Spinner's End he had met Lily and _coincidentally_ she was a witch of his same age? Fate had brought them together – she could not choose a way different from his... Could she?

_No – listen, I didn't mean –_

– _to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus.__ Why should I be any different?_

Why? _Why?_ Lily, I love you, he thought, I really love you, that's why you're different from the rest – you are unique, you are extraordinary, you are beautiful, you are kind, you are – everything I am not.

The boy sighed and closed his eyes.

If only she had only waited for him a few more minutes so he could have gotten out the words he longed to say, Lily would have never gone.

Because she was gone.

* * *

**Hasn't it ever happened to you that, you being in an uncomfortable situation, you want to say absolutely everything but find you just _can't_? And suddenly everything is over and you didn't have the time, or the courage, to say what you wanted to say?  
When Lily left Severus there in the corridor without further ado, I was about to write the next chapter (13) which happens one year later. But suddenly I think - Severus, so in love with her, never meant to tell her everything? And then I say, _yes_, maybe he did, and maybe this was the moment. Maybe he knew he had screwed up everything and maybe he knew he wouldn't be able to repair it, and he wanted to tell her. But with that abrupt exit Lily had, maybe Severus didn't have the time - or maybe he didn't know how to explain it properly - or he was scared of admitting he had a weakness - his love for her. Besides, all Lily said to him during that short conversation didn't sink in until later, maybe, and now he says, "Holy crap look at everything I could've said to her and I didn't." It happens to me ALL the time. Imagine you like this guy/girl, and you keep looking for him all the time, and then - you're alone with him. You talk about unimportant stuff, you're intimidated, you don't know exactly what to say. And then you're back home and you think "Gosh how stupid am I? I've been with him/her all alone and I could've done this, or that, or I could've said this..." I think Severus had one of those moments. Perhaps, in the worst moment. **

**So no matter how much _YOU_, BGE, might have against my mighty pretty precious Severus, I will always back him up! I LOVE YOU SNAPE!**

**PS: though I'll admit to you he's a slime ball.**


	14. Muggleborns And Princes

**First of all, I would like to apologize for not uploading for quite a while. But I also want to inform you that I WON'T be uploading for quite a while either. I've got the exams week next week, and then I've got a spring break and I'm going on holidays. Only one week. So approximately, I won't be around for two weeks or so. So I want to tell you, BE PATIENT, not like CERTAIN PEOPLE WHO PM ME TO REQUEST UPLOADING AND RANT ABOUT SNIVELLY glances at BGE But by the way THANKS for the Arthur Golden thing, and I confess - I also kept looking at the cover! I mean she is so beautiful I just wanna beat her up, but I know I can't because I'd stay staring at her like an idiot for her beauty. Blue eyed Asian? God, how I want to be one. Oh and - I love your PMs. I don't complain. I only show to the general public how much I adore you. And sorry for making you suffer. Now you'll suffer MORE!**

**ANYWAY, this is a chapter that can be quite confusing at the end, and some parts even may be pointless. Just read it and I'll explain below.**

* * *

He sat down quietly in a corner of the dungeon and got _Advanced Potion-Making_ by Libatius Borage out of his bag. He examined its cover and inside pages. Old. Second-hand. But at least he had the book – if it hadn't been because his mother had kept it (together with all her Hogwarts books) he wouldn't even have a copy.

He was still analyzing the contents when he heard a muffled laugh. He glanced at his right – three rows away from him sat Potter and Black, obviously amused by Professor Slughorn's big belly. He didn't find it funny – firstly because this new teacher had been a Slytherin, what could be of advantage to him, and secondly, because both of them could end up that way in around forty years. Maybe in even less time. He smirked as he imagined the disgusted look on Lily's face at Potter's new look.

Lily.

The smirking vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. He glanced at the spot where, only two rows in front of Black and Potter where sitting, Lily was smiling at her fellow Gryffindor and talking excitedly in a low voice. Of course she would be excited – the first Potions class of their sixth year after she had gotten – certainly – an O in her OWL. Exciting.

He didn't realize he was still staring at her until a ball of crumpled paper hit his head. Potter. How... mature.

Without giving signs of recognition at Potter's childish attack, he resumed his examination of _Advanced Potion-Making_, slipping the pages slowly. He saw several powerful potions and poisons, and lingered at the thought of tricking Potter into drinking some of them. Potter – poisoned. Wonderful.

Professor Slughorn cleared his throat loudly and everybody looked at the front of the class, where four cauldrons bubbled, emanating smoke and odors. Severus smirked as he quickly recognized each of them – Veritaserum, Felix Felicis, Polyjuice Potion, and Amortentia.

Amortentia... the potion of love. He narrowed his eyes as he identified the different smells – the wonderful smell of clean air, grass and sparkling water of the river where he so much longed to be, the smell of old books and parchment... and the scent of Lily's flowery hair. He still remembered it as clearly as if she had been standing by his side... which she wasn't.

He glanced at her while Slughorn chattered. She was listening attentively, her emerald eyes wide, quill in hand but motionless over the parchment. Inevitably, he glanced at Potter too. Of course he was staring at her. Drooling baboon.

'... so I want one of you to tell me what is that this cauldron contains,' he heard Slughorn say, and turned to him. He was beside the mud-like potion that he knew was Polyjuice. However, he didn't raise his hand – he turned once more to Lily, who he knew also knew the answer. And he was correct – Lily's hand slowly started to raise, shy.

'It's...' she stopped talking to see if she had the permission to answer, and when Slughorn turned to her expectantly, she lowered her hand and started again, more confidently, 'It's Polyjuice Potion, sir. It acts as a human transformer – that is, it can change you into another person.'

'Very good indeed!' Slughorn smiled, 'Yes, it will change you into another human – just never try it with animals.' He winked at the puzzled class. Severus, nevertheless, was still staring at Lily, and trying to sink in the sound of her voice. 'Now, this one here –' Slughorn stepped behind the Veritaserum, 'is...?'

Lily glanced around to make sure no one was raising their hands, and when she confirmed it, she raised hers. Slughorn raised his eyebrows. 'Yes?'

'It's Veritaserum, sir, a potion which will force the drinker to tell only the truth and nothing more,' she said.

'Excellent! And your name is...?'

'Lily Evans, sir.'

'Evans...?' Slughorn frowned and rubbed his chin with his left hand, 'Can you be related to –? No, he's not a potioneer – er – well...' He seemed to be lost for words, but apparently Lily seemed to get what he was looking for.

'I am not related to anyone in the magic world, sir, I'm a Muggle-born.'

Lily spoke this words defiantly, and at the same time, raising her chin, trying to show that she was proud of her blood-status. Severus pressed his lips together and looked away. Somehow, he got the feeling that those words weren't actually for Slughorn.

'Oho! A Muggle-born?' Slughorn exclaimed, raising his eyebrows even higher and the faint ghost of a smile in his face. Lily frowned.

'Yes, sir, a Muggle-born. With your permission, sir, I would like to know why that fact took you by surprise,' she said harshly. Severus widened his eyes. Never ever had he heard _Lily Evans_ defy a professor. Never. He stared at the class – they were all staring at her, wide eyes as well, the Slytherins smirking and the Gryffindors smiling.

'Oh, no, no, you must think I have something against Muggle-borns!' Slughorn laughed. Lily did not crack a smile. 'No, Miss Evans – it just takes me by surprise that someone raised by a Muggle family knows so much about the magic world.'

Lily pressed her lips together but didn't respond, although she clearly wanted to.

'You're in Gryffindor, I suppose?' Slughorn asked her.

'Yes, sir.'

Slughorn raised his eyebrows once more when he heard her tone, and then chuckled. 'Well, I don't think you should be – you are more of the Slytherin type.' He winked his eyes at her, and Lily's frown became more pronounced.

'With all due respect sir, I don't think so. No offense, but I'd rather get blasted by a rampaging hippogriff than be in Slytherin.'

The class emitted loud 'Oooo!'s and some girls gasped – Lily Evans being insolent to a teacher? Severus couldn't take his eyes off her – and apparently, Potter couldn't either.

'Well, well, well!' Slughorn exclaimed, to everyone's surprise not angry, but laughing, 'I think I will have to keep my opinions with you, Miss Evans! But I stand firm with what I said.'

He bowed his head warningly at her, and then walked to the Amortentia-filled cauldron and continued the class.

W-o-w. Severus narrowed his eyes. She was proud of being a Muggle-born. _Really_ proud. He gazed at her while she lowered her eyes to her parchment and hastily started to take down notes, although he knew she didn't need to write down anything. It had been so brave of her to stand like that against a teacher, to stand and defend her family and herself...

Another ball of crumpled paper hit his head. This time, Severus drew his wand and turned to Potter and Black, who were smirking. He glared at them, and then opened the wrinkled paper.

_BOXERS OR BRIEFS__, SNIVELLUS? WE'LL FIND OUT TODAY!_

Severus scowled and ripped the paper in small pieces. He would have to watch out really carefully. Or else.

If only he was someone powerful... Someone who would scare them to death, someone who they'd never want to bully... He imagined them both, Black and Potter, standing with their backs against the wall to let him walk through, terrified of him...

If only he could inspire the fear the Dark Lord inspired. _His_ Dark Lord. A Death Eater – someone Potter and Black would scurry away from to save their lives and hide. But of course, there were always people who dared defy them, always... But not the Dark Lord. No one would ever defy him. Unfortunately, he wasn't the Dark Lord... but he would be, some day. Lord... No. Not Lord.

Minutes passed, and Severus finally smirked and opened his _Advanced-Potion Making_. Potions and poisons... Power.

As the bell rang and everybody started to gather their things, he grabbed his quill and closed his book, turning it so he could stare at its back cover. And he wrote in the corner.

_This __Book is the Property of the Half-Blood Prince._

* * *

**I don't know how to explain this chapter. The Slughorn/Lily thing wasn't planned, it just came up, but I left it cuz I thought it started to show Lily's character a bit more. After all, she _was_ proud of being a Muggle-born, and Slughorn _was_ impressed by her (but this does NOT allow Slughorn/Lily shipping!!). It's the same class that Harry, Ron and Hermione had in Potions Year 6, and I was going to continue it the same way, only that Slughorn would say he had only drank Felix Felicis once, not twice yet. Exactly the same class. I mean, I really imagine Slughorn doing the same every year. Anyway, I started planning this chapter as the part where Severus starts to discover his liking for Potions and for the identity of the Half-Blood Prince, but it went off centre and finished this way. It's not as good as I had planned it to be. But I am sure enough that Snape chose that title because of those reasons - less exaggerated, perhaps, and he might have chosen it in a more mature way... (and James and Sirius weren't that childish... I hope.) So that's all for now **


	15. Lost Moments

Severus sat behind the bush and stared at the deserted playground in front of him. The breeze made the swing move slightly and the see-saw go up and down to its own accord. So many memories...

It had been right there that he had first seen Lily. It had been right there that he had first talked to Lily – to reveal her the great truth. And just on top of that swing, she had walked cautiously to try to grab a passing butterfly while her sister shouted at her. His hand brushed a flower on the floor. The same kind of flower she had made open and close. How fantastic it had seemed to her at that moment, how innocent she was.

He watched the swing. She had sat there once, laughing. And he had hid right where he was now, staring.

And where had all those moments gone? He would not share another summer day with her. He would not take her hand and walk her to the river. He would not see her green eyes staring at him with a smile.

They were lost, lost forever.

Lost moments.

He let a tear run down his nose before he got up from his place and walked away from the abandoned playground. The playground that had once made him the happiest boy in the entire world.

* * *

**Oh, come on - THIS WAS SAD!**

**I just thought I'd add a linker between Snapey's 6th year and 7th year, since there's very, very few chapters about these. Perhaps only one each year. Anyway, now that I'm skipping to 7th year so quickly, a linker of this sort during the summer previous to Hoggywarty was necessary. Otherwise you'd be like 'WTF' so... yeah.**


	16. Snow Lily

**I'm sick. My throat hurts. And my waist. And my knees. And my eyes. And I've got a headache. And I keep coughing all the time. And I've got a tummy ache. And... I CAN'T FIND MY HAIR COMB! dies**

* * *

…_not efficient, since Golpalott's Third Law clearly __denies it – but if it were to be asphodel after all, then the ingredient would not be boomslang skin but Sopophorous Beans..._

Severus stopped in the middle of the corridor and took out his potions book. Indeed, they were Sopophorus Beans. Groaning, he placed the book back in his bag and resumed his walking to the cold, snowy gardens, where lots of students were laughing and enjoying themselves as they started a snow war. He, however, avoided the war zone and walked by the castle's wall, eyeing warily the flying snowballs. Nothing on the entire world would ever make him participate in those childish games.

Or almost nothing.

Shaking his head quickly to clear his thoughts, Severus quickened his pace. No, nothing.

_Okay, then. Back to Potions. If the infusion of asphodel with the Sopophorus Beans won't take me to Golpalott's, then there is no way that the Draught Of Living Dead can –_

Something wet and soft hit on the back of his head, and he wheeled around, taking his wand from his pocket and pointing ahead, but there was no one there. Grunting, he shook the snow off his head, until loud laughter caught his attention. And yes, there they were – Black, Lupin and Pettigrew. Black waving his hand at him and laughing; Lupin gazing at the snow war as if it was suddenly of great interest to him; Pettigrew laughing nervously at him too, but from behind Black. But – where was Potter?

He had now noticed several times that Potter was not amongst his best friends all the time as he used to. He frequently saw the other three alone, but no signs of their friend. And nevertheless, Black didn't seem disappointed. Bored, perhaps, but not angry or anything.

So, where _was_ Potter?

'_Hey, Snivellus!_' Black called from the distance, '_Remembered to wash your pants today?_'

A red jet of light missed the Gryffindor by inches, and Severus walked back into the castle, ignoring Black and Pettigrew's chortles. Seven years – seven years he had endured being bullied, being underestimated, being mocked of. Seven years he had endured being alone, except for his Slytherin companions – who weren't even real friends.

Well – nearly alone. Until two years or so.

He stopped dead on the entrance and pressed his eyes tightly. _Clear your thoughts_. He opened them again and quickly went back to his walking, redirecting his route to the staircase instead of the dungeons. He didn't know why, just an impulse to be left alone. Somewhere he wasn't surrounded with pestering Gryffindors, or any other kind of students.

The Owlery sounded alright.

It was getting dark already, and everybody was outside playing with the snow. Christmas had already gone, so nobody would need to send any letters, especially at this time. If he went to the Slytherin Common Room, he would never be alone. There was always Mulciber mocking him – and then asking for Potions help – and Nott with his stupid attempts to be popular.

As if.

He didn't mind the mocking by his fellow Slytherins. After all, the situation would be very different in a short period of time... This was his last year. After that, he just had to go to the Dark Lord... And then, they'd see who mocked who. He'd be a different person, he'd be feared, respected, he would be someone very important... And then, perhaps, he would get what he really wanted.

What he desired the most.

He sighed out of exasperation and shook his head again. _Stop_ _– thinking – about –_

'... she doesn't deserve it. Don't waste your time.'

'She's my sister, James, I love her.'

Severus halted immediately. He was just outside the Owlery. But apparently, it wasn't empty.

'Come _on_, Lily! She called you a freak after all you've done for her –'

Potter.

'You _don't_ understand it!'

And... Lily.

Severus leaned forward a little to peer inside.

There she was. Wearing a cloak and tying a letter to an owl, with a woolen hat on her head, from which her dark red hair fell over her back. And her green eyes, preoccupied.

He couldn't see Potter.

'Lily...' that was his voice – worried. 'Petunia doesn't like us. She doesn't deserve your kindness after how she's treated you.'

'She'll always have my kindness, no matter what,' Lily had turned to him, somewhere Severus couldn't see, 'On Christmas, she was – she was cold to me, indifferent. Even more than before. To such an extent, I – I don't know what to do, James. I love her, and I would gladly give her my magic just to –'

Her voice trailed off and she bit her lower lip, gazing at the floor. Even with the dim light, Severus could see her eyes were watery. After a pause, she sighed and looked up again.

'You didn't see her face when I left. How she looked at me. She hated me, James. I don't want that to happen. She's my sister, for God's sake... I love her, I'll always be, but she – she –'

And she was crying. She covered her face with her hands and lowered her head, sobbing quietly. And Severus had that irresistible urge to go to her, to comfort her, to –

'Lily, no...'

Potter had appeared, walking towards her, and, hesitant, he threw his arms around her.

'Don't cry, Lily.'

The girl sobbed harder and uncovered her face, throwing her arms around Potter's neck and hiding her face, tears trickling down her rosy cheeks. Her hands clutched on Potter's clothes, and the boy pressed her harder against him, lowering her lips to her head.

'Listen, Lily...' he whispered softly, stroking her back with one hand, 'You are the bravest, smartest, and kindest person alive... Your sister could never hate you. She doesn't. No one could ever do so. You're so...'

But his voice trailed off again. Lily looked up over his shoulder, her gaze lost, and then unlocked her arms from his neck, leaving her hands in his chest, and stared into his eyes.

Severus' heart stopped.

Slowly, James neared his face to Lily's, a slight inch – and Lily, still staring deeply into his brown eyes, copied him –

And then it happened. They were kissing, Lily's arms once again tightly around his neck, James' hands tangled in her dark red hair, one of them occasionally stroking her cheek softly, and in the few seconds they broke apart, all that could be heard was the whispering of the word 'Lily,' softly, gently...

Severus wheeled around and stormed down to the dungeons, hitting students as he passed without waiting for them to move out of his way, the image of Lily Evans and James Potter entwined together still clear in his mind... He didn't stop until he was back in his bedroom, where he threw his bag violently on the floor, a single tear running down his nose, and punched the wall with his fist.

Now was the time to definitely shut her out of his life.

* * *

**Oh, how I _love_ writing kisses.**


	17. Final Farewell

**Last chapter was my favourite ever chapter (only after Chap. 4 from Black Rose and its Epilogue ). I just wanted to say that.**

**Now, there's people who sometimes REALLY REALLY REALLY love me and others REALLY hate me and slap me and then kiss my feet and love me again and then hate me again for assassinating Sponge Bob. coughcough Let's make sure something: I ship James/Lily A LOT, because without them there would be no Harry and no story, and because I just _LOOOVE_ writing their little love scenes. BUUT I somewhat ship Lily/Snape - NOT IN THE WAY YOU THINK! I think that I ship it because I just feel waaaaaay too much pity for him, for his loss of love - _but I would be absolutely repulsed if he and Lily kissed or snogged or whatever._ I love writing how he loves her but can't have her. Conclusion: I love torturing Snape.**

**And no matter how your mood changes every day, I love BGE. Your constant rants make my day :)**

* * *

'_Tommy! Dear child –'_

'_They're here! Have you seen –?'_

'_Mum! Dad! Mum!'_

'_See ya around, guys –'_

'_Owl me, will you?'_

'_Have you brought all your clothes? The toothpaste? The cat? Good.'_

'_Bye, Remus!'_

Severus stepped down from the Hogwarts Express and onto Platform Nine And Three Quarters of King's Cross. Everywhere he looked, sobbing mothers and smiling fathers hugged their children, their sons, their daughters; teenagers laughing together, hurrying to say the last things they'd say to each other until the next term; recently-graduated witches and wizards hugging one another, for perhaps the last time in their lives. Who knew when they would see each other again? Never, perhaps. Well – it was called life.

He looked around. Mulciber and Avery punched him in the shoulder as they said, 'See ya around soon, Severus,' and disappeared between the crowd. They weren't the ones he wanted to see, though. But no matter how much he searched between the radiant smiles and silent tears, he couldn't find his mother. Eileen Snape had not come to greet him after his last year at Hogwarts.

He sighed, started heading towards the exit, and stopped again. Potter and Black were nearby, the boy with glasses hugging Lupin, Black talking with Mr and Mrs Potter.

'_I won't stay much longer with you, I promise –'_

'_Sirius, you are welcome in our house as much time as you like –'_

'_Now that I'm of age I can get myself some place –'_

'_At least stay for the summer, it will be gorgeous to have you with us –'_

Severus scowled. A gorgeous summer for them. How... pathetic. He felt a fluttering sound and turned to see Pettigrew scurrying away by the side of his mother, glancing nervously at him. Rolling his eyes, he turned his attention to Lucius Malfoy, who was leaving with the newly-arrived Narcissa Black. Severus frowned. Since _when_ were they together?

A million of familiar faces, and another million of unfamiliar ones, swam around him, drowning in happiness, in excitement... And yet, he felt he was sinking deeper and deeper into the black depths. He would never see Hogwarts again. He would never again live in the place that made him the happiest. He was leaving it behind. He was returning to his cold, unfeeling house.

_He was leaving Hogwarts forever_.

Once again he sighed, deeply, slowly, closing his eyes. Well... it was called life.

'_Lily!'_

He spun around so quickly and so suddenly he lost his balance and nearly fell on top of the Brown family.

James Potter was gazing at the distance, his arms ready to welcome her – and in seconds she had run into him, her dark red hair flying behind her, her green eyes aglow. They embraced in a fierce kiss that lasted, for Severus, what seemed like hours. And then they finally broke apart, and the girl stared at him with sadness.

'_You'll write to me, won't you?'_

'_Every day.'_

He smiled tenderly at her and softly kissed her again, while Mrs Potter looked questioningly at Black, and Mr Potter beamed.

'_I love you.'_

'_I love you too. And I promise I'll never love another girl but you.'_

Lily smiled and hid her face in his neck, while he kissed her hair.

'_Goodbye, Lily.'_

'_Bye, James.'_

One last, quick, soft kiss, and she walked away from him to meet her parents.

Severus followed her with his eyes. It was goodbye to her too, then.

He grabbed his trunk, breathed in, and looked at her again, printing her image in his mind.

'Goodbye,' he whispered, and walked out to the Muggle world that waited for him.

* * *

**A gift for having assassinated Sponge Bob :)**


	18. Author's Note

**LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,  
****BOYS AND GIRLS,  
****BGE:**

I now direct to you to tell you about certain things.

**FIRST  
**Lily and James... won't appear any more. Directly, of course. There's always... mentioning.

**SECOND  
**Dumbledore will start to appear in most chapters, which will be something very complicated, since he is a complex character and I just _can't_ make him look real in my stories. So he will be a 'little' off-character.

**THIRD  
**Severus will be an adult from now on. He has finished school, and he's now a Death Eater, cuz we'll be set around four years after last chapter, when Voldypanties wants to track down the Potters.  
AND KILL JAMES!

**FOURTH  
**This week I'll be studying 24/7, and next week, I'm going on spring holidays to those lovely pools with warm, pleasant water... So I won't be writing. I'll start writing right away when I get back, though

**Nothing else. Just that.**

**high fives Lilyfan over Sponge Bob's tomb**

**runs  
hides under table  
rocks back and forth  
mutters  
Stalkers... stalkers...**


	19. Seer

**Okay, here starts the harder-to-write part. So forgive my mistakes (but if there's a detail of the HP plot that's not right, please tell :3).**

**And... sorry about Sponge Bob.**

**Really.**

**-doggyface-**

* * *

Through the crack on the door, he saw Albus Dumbledore smile.

'Of course,' he was saying to a woman with gigantic glasses that made her look like a bat, 'you have her blood running in you. She was a great Seer.'

'Yes, yes,' she replied in a misty voice, 'But it's normal, this things skip... three generations. Sometimes four.'

Dumbledore nodded with a smile.

'Please, start,' he said tenderly. Sybill Trelawney stared at him for a few seconds and then hastily started searching for something in her bag.

'I though – it should be right here –' she looked up from the bag, looking worried.

'Dear Sybill, I don't think you will need the crystal ball of yours. I know you can do your job anyway. I have complete trust in you.'

The corners of her mouth twitched, and then she gave a nervous smile. She showed him the palm of her hand, and Dumbledore understood – he put his hand in hers. The woman looked at it for a minute, frowning, pressing her lips, every now and then muttering or shaking her head. Then she looked up.

'Well – you _do_ seem to have a long life-line. But you see this mark over here? Like it cuts and disappears, and re-starts?'

Dumbledore got nearer to his hand, an amused little smile on his face.

'Oh, yes, I see.'

'That, Headmaster, is a terrible omen...' she gaped at him, her eyes wide. 'Something bad is going to happen. Something you've been dreading since you're a child –'

'I'm glad I'm forewarned, then. I hate to think I'd have to stand a gnome biting my toe unexpectedly.'

Sybill frowned for a moment, and then rearranged her features. Dumbledore's smile was fading slowly.

'Yes, yes...' she murmured, getting so close to his hand in embarrassment that the tip of her nose almost touched it.

Severus frowned. Nothing good at the moment. Nothing of value. A waste of time. He hadn't heard Dumbledore's _real_ future – because she was a _fake_.

It was a moment until he realized Sybill's eyes were unfocused. He stared at her intently.

'Sybill?' Dumbledore called, raising his head, he, too, frowning. All of a sudden Trelawney jumped on her seat.

'I'm – so sorry – I had nothing to eat today, you know, this things _do_ happen,' she said nervously, but let the Headmaster's hand fall on his lap. Severus groaned and turned. As he had said. A waste of time.

'You should get some rest,' Dumbledore said behind the door, 'But, my dear Sybill, I would like you to know that I don't see you strong enough to cope with the demands of my school.'

Severus didn't hear Trelawney respond.

'I will call you if I change my mind. Good evening, now, Sybill. Excuse me.'

The Death Eater was about to run down the stairs and Disapparate –

'_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..._'

He froze. He knew Dumbledore was only inches away from him.

'_... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..._'

'Hey! You!'

Severus wheeled around. Aberforth Dumbledore was coming up the stairs, glaring threateningly at him with his deep blue eyes. He was trapped.

'What are you doing here?' he demanded as he got closer. He was a step from where he stood, frozen, and tried to ran past him – but Aberforth closed the way far too rudely and they tumbled against Sybill Trelawney's door.

Albus looked up, his eyes wide, while Trelawney took a hand to her forehead, apparently dizzy.

'I – I came the wrong way up the stairs,' he rushed to say – Albus' expression was blank. 'This is not where I –'

But, as he ran out of excuses, he Disapparated on the spot.

Albus turned to the woman as Aberforth grumbled and left the room.

'My dear Sybill, I have reconsidered,' he said, serious, no trace of a smile left in him, 'I will send you a letter to you soon. Congratulations.'

And he walked out of the room, leaving Sybill with a puzzled look on her face.


	20. The Request

**Spring break - going on holidays on Sunday. So I WILL have time to write :) I'm getting hurried now and writing more chapters - after all, they are A LOT.**

**And - I can't avoid 'Thanks for killing Sponge Bob' messages and reviews. They seem to have liked it.**

**DON'T FLAME ME AGAIN!**

* * *

'Please, my Lord.'

The cold, red eyes turned away from him and stared at his wand, while he stroke it with one finger. The man waited, chest high, trying to hide his fear, but he was as pale as a ghost, and his hands were trembling slightly. He hid them behind his back slowly. It wasn't long before he got an answer.

'Is this... love, Severus?' Lord Voldemort asked, not staring away from his phoenix wand. 'For a Mudblood?'

He winced internally at the mention of the word.

Mudblood.

'No, my Lord,' Severus replied, his mind racing – this could be his last moment... 'It is, ah, desire. The – Muggle-born – is, indeed, something I have been longing. Just her.'

If Lily Evans could hear him... No, she didn't even have to be there. His heart ached; how could he say such atrocious things?

'Desire,' Voldemort repeated, turning his penetrating eyes to him. He left them there a minute, and then resumed the stroking of his wand. 'I see. You do realize, Severus, that she is a life that can be wasted if anything happens? If she is to become a little snag, then she will have to be – removed?'

Severus didn't answer for a minute.

'My Lord,' he said slowly, trying to control his voice so it didn't resemble a plead, 'You want the boy – kill him. You can take Potter too. But the Evans girl... she is something that cannot be wasted.'

'Yes, the boy is what I want,' Voldemort hissed.

'The boy and Potter, my Lord,' Severus repeated, trying to seem convincing, 'It is he the one who will try to, ah, fight with you.'

'The mother won't?'

Severus hesitated. Voldemort placed his cold eyes on him.

'You have my word, Severus, that I will not touch her.'

His insides sighed.

'Thank you, my Lord.'

'Unless she becomes a problem.'

Silence.

'Yes, my Lord.'

He turned away to leave.

As he passed, he saw Nagini slithering to her master, glaring at Severus on her way.

* * *

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**The next chapter will ask a request from you -**

**If you're gonna read it you wanna _feeeeeel_ the emotion of the chapter,**

**Then read it with 'EVERYTIME by SIMPLE PLAN' as background music.**

**Or anything that makes you sad, really. I used that song to write it. So I guess you can imagine what's coming next.**

**It will be posted soon ;)**


	21. Clouds & Rain

**WAAAIT!  
DON'T READ YET!**

**PLEASE, if you have the song 'Everytime' by Simple Plan, play it NOW before you start - it will make this chapter better.**

**I was in the verge of tears as I wrote it.**

**Play the song, count to three, and start reading :)**

* * *

His hand pressed against the window, where drops of rain had left their mark, silent, slow.

_I thought... you were going... to keep her... safe..._

He watched the grey clouds above, covering the sky like a mantle, raining. They were crying. They were mourning her death.

_Her boy survives._

His eyes gazed into the darkness, watery, black as coal. All the pain of the world surrounded him, pressed upon him, and he was drowning... His breathing increased its tempo, and his fingers tightened on the window...

_He has her eyes, precisely her eyes._

His body convulsed in a sob, and he tried to repress it.

_You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evan's eyes, I am sure?_

The ghost of an image settled in his mind – green, deep almond-shaped eyes, twinkling, happy, innocent...

_DON'T!_

His hand turned into a fist, and he pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears –

_Gone... Dead..._

Dark red hair blocked his view – and then he was in a bright place, a greenish light surrounding him, and a little emerald-eyed girl was smiling at him...

_It __is__ real, isn't it?_

_It's real for us._

He let all the air in his lungs leave and gritted his teeth – she was _dead_... Lily Evans... No, it couldn't be possible – it had all been a dream –

_Watch! I called her Marilyn! Because of Marilyn Monroe!_

_What do you think you're doing, keeping an owl in your closet! She's going to die in there!_

But as he searched the room with his eyes desperately, looking for a sign of her, of her life, terrible thoughts crossed his head – what if _everything_ had been a dream?

_Friends, then?_

Her voice sounded distant in his memory, her being, _her_...

_No. Best friends._

And the truth came down upon him like the rain in a storm – he would never hear her voice again, would never see her eyes sparkling with emotion... She was gone. Gone forever.

_I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag._

No pleasure in the memory, and no despise or loathing – just longing to hear her speak, words, words...

_Leave him ALONE!_

The only person who had been there for him –

_I'm sorry._

_I'm not interested._

_I'm sorry!_

_Save your breath._

He fell to the floor, unable to repress the tears, and took his hand to cover his face... How many things she needed to know, and how much time he had wasted... How many things he had to tell her, and now she was gone, unaware of his feelings, unaware of his existence, most probably...

_Lily, no..._

_Don't cry, Lily._

Snow fell, slowly, outside the Owlery, and he was there, watching them – his Lily, his Lily...

_Lily!_

_You'll write to me, won't you?_

_Every day._

_I love you._

_I love you too. And I promise I'll never love another girl but you._

Lily, Lily... It was all his fault, all because of his mistake...

_Listen, I didn't mean –_

_To call me Mudblood?_

Yes, he hadn't meant it – Lily, I'm sorry, I'm so _sorry_...

_If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear._

He pressed his lips together and gazed at the dark ceiling... Why, _why_?

_You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son._

And as all the pain, and the anguish, and the despair disappeared, he sighed heavily and stood up again. The rain was ceasing now, just like his tears, but the clouds were still there, grey and gloomy, and they would never go. They would never go away. The clouds would torment him always, but he had to fight the rain, the water that fell.

With a swift movement he left the room.

_One day,_ _I'm going to marry her._

* * *

**I loved it :) Anyway, I don't know if you really got the meaning of the clouds and the rain - when he says that the rain was ceasing but the clouds would stay, I meant to say, that he will always be hunted and pained in the deepest part of his heart by Lily's death, and he would never be able to forget her, but he had to be strong for her and for her son, no matter how much he despised him, because it was, in the end, all for Lily Evans. **

**Hope you liked it :3**


	22. First Sight

**Firstly, THANKYOUS to my lovely reviewers for liking so much my story It's awesome to have you always there reading my story.**

**It's been a while since I've written a long chapter. So it took a while to concentrate and write this. I had to read the book to write it and I didn't stop, and went on reading and reading until I realized I had to write a story and typed a paragraph. And then I started reading again **

**I hope you like this - it's not much, I know.**

* * *

The doors of the Great Hall opened, and Severus glanced at the scared students now entering in a line, led by McGonagall.

'N-n-new students,' Quirrel said at his side with a nervous smile, 'Ch-charming.'

Severus didn't turn to him, but glanced at Dumbledore, two seats away from him. He didn't see the old man's eyes move in his direction, but it gave a tiny nod with the head. He turned his attention to the first years.

'Yes, charming,' he said in a neutral voice, watching as McGonagall grabbed the Sorting Hat and placed it on the four-legged stool. Quirrel's fingers were moving nervously, twitching, until he placed them on his lap under the table.

'_Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,_

_But don't judge on what you see,_

_I'll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall..._'

His eyes skimmed through the line. He recognized a young Malfoy, as well as a young Nott and a Bones girl and – _another Weasley?_

The Sorting Hat continued its song while he searched through the new faces, but he could see no one of interest. Maybe Dumbledore had been wrong or – no, impossible. Or _maybe_ he had acquired his father's talent for trouble-making and was waiting for a big entrance that would call everyone's attention. Yes, that sounded so like him. No doubt he would have his father's personality, being famous and all. He would boast, bully, create nothing but problems and try to be the center of the world.

But he could not find him in the line. Maybe his view was blocked by other first years.

'When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted,' McGonagall announced, and lowered her eyes to the roll of parchment she was holding. 'Abbott, Hannah!'

Severus followed with his eyes the blonde girl, but his mind was wandering. How scared he had been at the time of his sorting. Though not scared for _him_.

'HUFFLEPUFF!'

On his side, Quirrel clapped his hands politely. Severus didn't move an inch.

'Bones, Susan!'

Yes, the Bones girl. A niece, perhaps, of _dear_ Madam Bones.

'HUFFLEPUFF!'

Just like her aunt. Again, all the teachers clapped, especially Pomona, but he continued staring.

'Boot, Terry!'

The name sounded familiar. The Boots?

'RAVENCLAW!'

Now Filius stood up to clap at the first Ravenclaw of the year, and the Ravenclaw table cheered.

'Brocklehurst, Mandy!'

'RAVENCLAW!'

'Brown, Lavender!'

Oh, _dear_.

'GRYFFINDOR!'

The Gryffindor table had the loudest cheer, especially with the Weasley twins in there. Gryffindors. Mocking and boasting and _brave_. A flicker of a wolf and a black-haired boy passed through his mind. Yes, very brave they were, the Gryffindors. _Very_ brave.

'Bullstrode, Millicent!'

Ah, the Bullstrodes. No doubt she was bound to be a –

'SLYTHERIN!'

He raised his hands and clapped vaguely at the girl, while the rest of the teachers lowered their clapping standard. The Slytherin table clapped loudly.

His mind started to wander again. He was sitting on the four-legged stool he was now staring at, the exact same stool, with the Sorting Hat on his head, afraid of what might happen next.

_Severus, the hat is singing!_

He gave a sharp intake of breath and his eyes widened, but after a minute he exhaled and composed his expression again. Quirrel didn't seem to have noticed.

As the rest of the students were sorted, _he_ sorted them mentally as well.

'Finnigan, Sean!'

Never heard of. Probably a Muggle-born.

'Goyle, Gregory!'

Bound to be _stupid_. Like father, like son.

'Granger, Hermione!'

Ah, nice _hair_.

'Longbottom, Neville!'

Apparently, not as smart as his father, he thought as the boy stumbled in front of the whole school.

'MacDougal, Morag!'

_Who?_

'Malfoy, Draco!'

Ah, at last someone worth sorting.

The blond boy walked to the Slytherin table looking quite proud. Well, Lucius and Narcissa's son would definitely be smart and witty. Unlike others, he added as he heard Nott be sorted into Slytherin as well.

But as he heard 'Parkinson, Pansy!' get sorted, his body stiffened. They were there already. What would happen? What would he see? Where would he be – no, that wasn't necessary.

'Patil, Padma!'

'RAVENCLAW!'

His heartbeat quickened.

'Patil, Parvati!'

'GRYFFINDOR!'

He clenched his hands into fists under the table.

'Perks, Sally-Anne!'

'RAVENCLAW!'

He turned his attention to the wall, trying to forget about the Sorting and be –

'Potter, Harry!'

He turned his head so suddenly it hurt, but he didn't mind.

A young, black-haired boy was walking towards the stool, slowly, afraid. A rush of loathing spread through his body as he realized that James Potter was back.

Back.

The same hair, the same nose, the same glasses in front of his –

Green eyes. Deep, emerald-coloured eyes.

Whispers had broken out all through the Hall, and he heard somebody say loudly, '_Potter_, did she say?'

Some people had stood up to watch him, to get a better look. Disgusting.

The Hat did not shout out immediately. It took a long while.

Severus was waiting, still stiff, rigid, and he couldn't find an explanation of why he hated someone he hadn't even spoken to.

'GRYFFINDOR!'

He watched with despise as the ghost of James Potter walked to the table where the clapping and cheering and wolf-whistling was louder. It was his father. Exactly his father. Except for... his eyes. Lily Evans' eyes.

And it was pure loathing. He had, in front of him, the clear proof of the love between two persons – the one he hated the most, and the one he loved the most. In front of him, the proof that Lily Evans and James Potter loved each other.

He didn't pay attention to the rest of the Sorting, nor to what he was later eating. He didn't pay attention to Quirrel's babbling either.

'... to have P-P-Potter!'

Only there he turned his full attention to him.

'I-It is ind-deed a gr-great pleasure t-to have him,' he was saying.

'Oh, yes, a great pleasure,' Severus replied, his eyebrow raised, 'What are you planning to do with them this year, may I ask?'

'T-this year? S-same as l-last – v-vampires and –'

'Have you heard about the robbery just yesterday, Quirinus?' Severus interrupted, staring at his food as he spoke. 'In Gringotts?'

'N-no,' Quirrel frowned, and his hands started trembling slightly, 'Wh-what did they st-teal?'

'Nothing,' Severus raised his eyebrows, 'It had been emptied that same day, luckily. I wonder what it was.'

'Y-yes, well –' Quirrel hastily took potatoes to his mouth. Severus glanced at Dumbledore, but he was staring and smiling at some point in the Gryffindor table.

'I h-heard that T-Trelawney has seen the G-Grim in M-Minerva's future ag-gain,' Quirrel continued, but Severus wasn't listening anymore. He followed Dumbledore's blue eyes – and found himself staring directly into beautiful green eyes.

A wave of despise and dislike spread through his body again. The Potter boy held contact with his black eyes for a second, and then he had taken his hand to his forehead – over his scar.

Hastily, he turned to Quirrel.

'Nice turban,' he said, staring at the long bandage over Quirrel's head. 'Where did you get it?'

'M-me? I g-got it as a gift f-from an African p-prince for getting rid of a z-zombie.'

'Really?' Severus asked with ironic interest, 'How did you do that?'

'L-look, it's ab-bout to rain,' Quirrel said, gazing nervously at the ceiling.

Severus turned to Dumbledore again, and this time he was staring back. His blue eyes were penetrating.

He gave another tiny nod with the head, and resumed his chat with McGonagall.

* * *

**I should have concentrated more on Harry, but although Snape's feelings divert to him all the time, he knew his mind was supposed to be on Quirrel, on Dumbledore's request. So it was hard to balance.**

**I tried to make Snape already believe that Harry would be like James - because he couldn't stand the idea that that - for _HIM_ - prat had had a son with his beloved Lily. He hated to see that the man he hated had ended up with the most wonderful, beautiful girl, especially after she had ranted so much about him. JKR said herself that Snape saw in Harry the combination of James and Lily, hate and love, the proof of their never-ending love, and that is why he hated Harry so much. [I've been looking for a transcript of what she exactly said, but I can't find it :( **

**Quirrel's first name _is_ Quirinus, but I made up about Perks, Sally-Anne going to Ravenclaw. I don't know where she went.**

**And finally, I wanna ask you something I _RARELY_ ask: Review, _please_? **


	23. Promise

**And now I go on with The Lost Moments! WOOT!**

* * *

The match started as usual.

'And the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor – what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive, too –'

'JORDAN!'

'Sorry, Professor.'

Severus watched the Quaffle go from hand to hand, from Chaser to Chaser, while Lee Jordan commentated on the match, although every once in a while he couldn't resist glancing at the boy with glasses and black hair. He was watching the match from high in the air – of course. He had never played Quidditch before. But he had a strange feeling that young Potter had inherited his father's skills on brooms. Typical. It wouldn't be too long before he heard him boasting around the school – or playing with stolen Snitches.

'– she's really flying – dodges a speeding Bludger – the goalposts are ahead – come on now, Angelina – Keeper Bletchley dives – misses – GRYFFINDOR SCORE!'

He groaned as the exhilarated Gryffindors started to cheer with enthusiasm. This was _not_ good. He had kept the Quidditch Cup in his office now for – how many years? – well, lots. He remembered with pleasure McGonagall's face when she had greeted him the year before. Yes, Slytherin had an excellent team. And the Potter boy knew nothing about the game... for now. Easy pie.

Seeing Potter on a broom – now starting to glide over the game – reminded him of those moments in which Slytherin played against Gryffindor in his school years, in James Potter diving and turning with the Quaffle under his arm, how he scored, how people cheered _him_, how Slytherin lost when he was on his broom... And there he was, the almost exact replica of that disliking Gryffindor. Almost exact.

'Slytherin in possession – Chaser Pucey ducks two Bludgers, two Weasleys and Chaser Bell and speeds towards the – wait a moment – was that the Snitch?'

Severus quickly turned his gaze to Pucey – who dropped the Quaffle (_Moron_, he thought) – and saw it: a flash of gold. And instinctively his eyes flickered towards Potter – who was diving now, with Higgs at his heels. And damn, he was faster. No doubt – he was miniature James Potter. Loathe spread through him in a furious wave.

'Stop him,' he muttered under his breath, '_Stop him_.'

And as if God – or Salazar – had heard him, Marcus Flint blocked Harry's path and the first year span off course, almost making him fall. Almost.

No, he had made a promise. A very heavy promise. This wasn't about _him_. It wasn't. It wasn't.

His mind returned to the present as he heard Jordan commentating.

'So – after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating –'

'Jordan!'

'I mean, after that open and revolting foul –'

'_Jordan, I'm warning you –_'

'All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure, so a penalty to Gryffindor, taken by Spinnet, who puts it away, no trouble, and we continue play, Gryffindor still in possession.'

Severus watched for a second how Alicia Spinnet flew across the air, and again he glanced at Potter.

And he frowned.

Either Potter was not like his father at all and he had lost control of his broom, or something was very wrong.

The Nimbus was trying to – _make him fall_. Not that he objected, but he couldn't allow it. He had promised.

But brooms didn't just decide to make their riders fall and – die. This was something else – or _someone_ else.

Wildly, he searched the seats looking for Dumbledore, but he wasn't there. Above in the sky, the Nimbus was becoming more and more violent...

Quirrel.

The name crossed his head like a shooting star crosses the sky. He stared at a point two rows in front of him, where the Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher was muttering in a low voice, his eyes fixed on Potter. He couldn't stop Quirrel – if he interrupted him, people would know about Quirrel, and he had promised Dumbledore he wouldn't let anyone else know. So there was only one option.

He turned to Potter in the exact moment that his broom jerked wildly – and Harry Potter clutched to life with one hand only, while the Nimbus kept trying to throw him off...

He didn't think about it. He fixed his eyes on the boy and concentrated as much as he could as he muttered the counter-curse. Harry Potter could _not_ fall, could _not_ die, not while he lived... He had promised, and he would keep his promise no matter what happened to him – Lily Evan's son would be safe as long as he was around –

He was making it – nearly. At least the broom had stopped lurching and zig-zagging, and was now vibrating – Quirrel's curse fighting against his own counter-curse –

And suddenly, he felt warm around his legs. And then it burnt. His mind turned abruptly from Potter, and realized his cloak was on _fire_. He drew out his wand to extinguish it – but as suddenly as it had started, it was gone. What had _that_ been?

Oh no – Potter. He turned around – but somehow Potter was now diving head-first towards the ground, mounting his broom as if nothing had happened, as if –

'_I've got the Snitch!_'

Ah. There he had the price for trying to save Harry James Potter. Gryffindor winning. How... unlucky. It had been a long time since this had happened – and now he would have to stand his boasting. Like father, like son.

He didn't stop to watch the Gryffindors celebrate. Slowly, he glanced at Quirrel – he did indeed look quite... sulky.

In what appeared to be two seconds, he had crossed the grounds and castle and was standing in front of Dumbledore's office.

'I am informed,' the Headmaster said softly as Severus stormed into the room.

'Quirrel –' he blurted out.

'Yes, I guess our friend has been –'

'Dumbledore,' Severus interrupted, and the old man raised his eyebrows in surprise at being interrupted, 'let me do it – let me be the referee in the next Gryffindor match. Quirrel won't be able to do anything with me so close to Potter.'

Dumbledore gazed at him with his penetrating blue eyes for a long time, while Severus waited. And finally, he smiled sadly. When no word came out of his mouth, the Slytherin turned around and left the room. He knew what Dumbledore had been thinking as he smiled. He knew it very well.

He had made a promise. And he was going to keep it.

* * *

**I'm on fire today. Think I'm gonna write another chapter for this OR HP Uncovered. (;3)**


	24. Desire

**Short chappie :3 But I wanted to write it. So there you go. It's hard to be writing two fics at once AND be planning another one in your mind/notebook.**

* * *

'_The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever __do__ run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.'_

'_... it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live...'_

Severus opened the door quietly. The dark, gloomy classroom appeared before him, but his attention was diverted to the most marvelous mirror he had seen in his life. He stood in front of it, forcing his eyes not to look into the glass, because he knew what he would see.

'_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_,' he read aloud. He kept looking at the words, trying to find a meaning, and trying with all his might to avoid the distorted reflection in the mirror.

The image that he knew would hunt him forever.

He cleared his throat and turned his back to the Mirror of Erised, gazing at the desks and chairs. Dumbledore had warned him about this. Why had he insisted? He'd better leave the room before he succumbed to temptation...

But the desire to turn around and see what he wanted to see was too much for him to bear. His left feet gave a step to the side involuntarily, but he forced himself to stop. This would not benefit him in any way. On the contrary, it would just make him fall into another one of his depressions.

What would happen, though, if he just took one quick look at it and left forever? One look. That would be all. He knew how to control himself. Or so he thought.

Hesitantly, he turned around, his black eyes fixed on the floor. But still he could see the lowest part of the mirror – two pairs of feet were standing in it. He pressed his eyes together. Would he be strong enough?

Slowly, carefully, he looked up.

There he stood, his reflection in the mirror, with his long cloak and his pained expression. Beside him, a seventeen-year-old version of Lily Evans smiled at him, her green eyes sparkling, a strand of her dark, red hair falling over his own shoulder. Instinctively, he took one hand to where her face was supposed to be, but his fingers could find nothing but air. And Lily was standing so close behind him – if she had been there, really there, he would have felt her weight over his back as she leaned over him and one of her hands held his...

He stepped closer to the mirror, and Lily followed. The tip of his fingers touched the glass; he traced the outline of her face, of her lips, of her hair... He was seeing her again, he was seeing those beautiful emerald eyes again, something which he had given up as impossible...

'Lily...' he whispered, and her hand closed around his... He closed his own hand, wanting to feel her touch, wanting to hold her one last time...

_I show not your face, but your heart's desire._

The Mirror of Erised. The Mirror of Desire.

He wanted so desperately to mend things, to turn back time and erase from his dictionary the word 'Mudblood,' to erase from his younger mind the idea that Muggle-borns were inferior, to tell Lily what he felt, to hold her, to touch her...

'Severus.'

The man wheeled around in surprise. Dumbledore was standing on the other side of the room, smiling sadly. Severus sighed in exasperation.

'So, you scare me off just like you did with the Potter boy?' he asked rearranging his tone, one eyebrow raised.

Dumbledore didn't answer. He just kept smiling at him a little _too_ comprehensively.

'You can leave now, Dumbledore, I'll move the Mirror right now,' he said shortly, and turned back to Lily.

'I think it would be better if I told someone else to do this, Severus,' he heard the Headmaster say.

'Thank you for your confidence in me, but no, I think I can manage.'

'You can go to your office now, Severus. I daresay I know you have many things on your mind right now.'

'I said I can do it.'

'It is not a sin to love, Severus, I –'

'I SAID I CAN DO IT!'

Dumbledore's smile vanished. Severus was breathing heavily, angry, depressed, a whole lot of emotions mixing inside him –

His eyes flickered to Lily Evan's reflection as he crouched on the floor and held his forehead with one hand, and this time he couldn't help the tears. They fell silently as sobs convulsed him. He was ashamed to be crying in front of Albus Dumbledore, but – Lily... _Lily_...

'Don't be ashamed to cry, Severus,' Dumbledore said quietly, as if he had read his mind, 'You lost the person you loved the most, it's right to feel this way.'

An urge to shout at him again surged inside Severus, but his strength wouldn't be able to cope with it. He let some minutes pass, and then stood up.

Without another glance to the mirror, he strode past Dumbledore and out of the room, his long, black cloak fluttering behind him.

* * *

**Severus REAAALLY needs a class of Anger Control. We should introduce him to Jack Nicholson.**


	25. The Marauder's Comeback

**IMSOTERRIBLYSORRYIDIDNTUPLOADFORALONGTIMEBUTISWEARILLDOMYBESTFROMNOWON!**

**The thing is I've got my international exams this week and the next and the next and then I've got my finals and AARGH!**

**I'M SO HYSTERICAL TODAY! It was a VERY tough day. Except for the part where my Language teacher told me that my Twilight speech was good and that I'd had no problem in my Speaking/Listening Language IGCSE :) WOO!**

* * *

He approached the boy with a swift movement.

'So.'

His face was sweaty as he stared back at Severus with a look of innocent surprise.

'Come with me, Potter.'

He had him. He finally had him.

He turned around and started walking down the corridor, down staircases, into the dungeons, and into his office. He stood behind his desk and glared at Harry Potter with a look of triumph.

'Sit.'

The boy did as told. Severus noticed he had hidden his hands in his pockets. How strange.

'Mr Malfoy has just been to see me with a strange story, Potter.'

James' son didn't speak, but went on staring at his Potions teacher. Severus enjoyed the silence as much as possible, trying to make him suffer with suspense, guilt, and horror.

'He tells me that he was up by the Shrieking Shack when he ran into Weasley – apparently alone.'

Another enjoyable moment. He could sense victory not far ahead.

'Mr Malfoy states that he was standing talking to Weasley, when a large amount of mud hit him on the back of the head. How do you think that could have happened?'

'I don't know, Professor.'

'Mr Malfoy then saw an extraordinary apparition. Can you imagine what it might have been, Potter?'

'No.'

'It was your head, Potter. Floating in mid-air.'

He watched triumphantly again as the boy stared at him blankly.

'Maybe he'd better go to Madam Pomfrey. If he's seeing things like –

'What would your head have been doing in Hogsmeade, Potter?' Severus interrupted. 'Your head is not allowed in Hogsmeade. No part of your body has permission to be in Hogsmeade.'

'I know that,' Potter refuted, 'It sounds like Malfoy's having hallucin–'

'Malfoy is not having hallucinations,' Severus leant forward to him, placing one hand on each of his chair's arms, staring at his deep, green eyes – a rush of hatred spread through him. 'If your head was in Hogsmeade, so was the rest of you.'

'I've been up in Gryffindor Tower, like you told –'

'Can anyone confirm that?'

The boy didn't reply. Severus didn't even need to use Legilimecy to know the secret behind his appearance – the times he had been pestered and bothered and made fun of underneath that stupid Cloak...

'So,' he stood straight again, 'everyone from the Minister for Magic downwards has been trying to keep famous Harry Potter safe from Sirius Black. But famous Harry Potter is a law unto himself. Let the ordinary people worry about safety! Famous Harry Potter goes where he wants to, with no thought for the consequences.'

Famous Harry Potter didn't reply, but glared at him – defiantly. A look so full of pride and superiority it reminded him instantly of –

'How extraordinarily like your father you are, Potter,' he said. He was not wrong, unlike Dumbledore – Harry James Potter and James Potter were one same person. The same. 'He, too, was exceedingly arrogant. A small amount of talent on the Quidditch pitch made him think he was a cut above the rest of us, too.' An image of the sixteen-year-old James Potter walking by the lake, surrounded by his fellow Gryffindors, flickered in his mind. 'Strutting around the place with his friends and admirers...' he continued with dislike, 'the resemblance between you is uncanny.'

'My dad did not _strut_, and nor do I,' Harry spat.

Another image assaulted him – Black and Potter in the middle of the night, making him hang upside down in mid-air –

'Your father didn't set much store by rules, either. Rules were for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup-winners. His head was so swollen –'

'SHUT UP!'

Severus froze as young Potter jumped from his seat. His previous words just confirmed.

'_What did you say to me, Potter?_' he said between gritted teeth, his temperature raising.

'I told you to shut up about my dad! I know the truth, alright? He saved your life! Dumbledore told me! You wouldn't even...'

_... you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there –_

'... if it weren't for my dad!'

_Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero?_

'And did the Headmaster tell you the circumstances in which your father saved my life?' he whispered, trying to control his temper – a hardly possible task. 'Or did he consider the details too unpleasant for precious Potter's delicate ears?'

_Snape! Go back! Go back __now_

'I would hate you to run away with a false idea of your father, Potter. Have you been imagining some act of glorious heroism? Then let me correct you – your saintly father and his friends played a highly amusing joke on me that would have resulted in my death if your father hadn't got cold feet at the last moment.'

_If he kills you, they kill me._

'There was nothing brave about what he did. He was saving his own skin as much as mine. Had their joke succeeded, he would have been expelled from Hogwarts.'

_... I suggest you leave – I have my Invisibility Cloak._

'Turn out your pockets, Potter!'

The boy did not move. It was the Cloak. James Potter's Cloak.

'Turn out your pockets, or we go straight to the Headmaster! Pull them out, Potter!'

Harry's hands slowly took out a Zonko bag and a piece of parchment.

'Ron gave them to me,' he said as Severus picked up the bag. 'He – brought them back from Hogsmeade last time –'

'Indeed?' Severus interrupted. 'And you've been carrying them around ever since? How very touching... and what is this?'

He picked the parchment and stared at it. It was thick, and had been folded very carefully.

'Spare bit of parchment,' Harry blurted.

Severus glanced at him.

'Surely you don't need suck a very _old_ piece of parchment. Why don't I just – throw this away?'

He moved slowly towards the fire and held the parchment over it.

'No!'

Severus grinned maliciously.

'So! Is this another treasured gift from Mr Weasley? Or is it – something else? A letter, perhaps, written in invisible ink? Or – instructions to get into Hogsmeade without passing the Dementors?'

Potter didn't answer.

'Let me see, let me see...' He took out his wand and placed the paper on his desk. 'Reveal your secret!' he said. He waited. The parchment was still old and blank.

'Show yourself!'

Nothing.

'Professor Severus Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!'

And after a second, something started to appear in black ink, words, and he smiled – and then the smile vanished.

'_Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business._'

Another memory came to his mind, but this time it was not an image – it was James Potter's voice. _Moony_.

No. It couldn't be. Or could it? After all, this was James Potter's son...

'_Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git._'

_Prongs_. Prongs. A wave of fury made him grit his teeth together – here he was. _Here he was_.

'_Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor._'

The words didn't insult him – it was the names. Moony, Padfoot, Prongs – only one was left.

'_Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball_.'

Of course. Only a big fat git like Peter Pettigrew could have created such a... _hurting_ insult.

'So...' Severus said when he had recovered his speech. 'We'll see about this...'

The Marauders. They were back.

He grabbed a fistful of Floo Powder and threw it into the fire's flames of his office.

'Lupin! I want a word!'

Not more than ten seconds later, Remus Lupin was brushing ashes off his robes.

'You called, Severus?' he said.

'I certainly did. I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying this.'

He pointed at the parchment that James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had created years ago. Well, perhaps not Peter.

'Well?'

Lupin stared at the parchment, and Severus recognized his expression – _recognition_. And melancholy. And sadness as he remembered his days of hanging around with the _popular_ kids and –

'_Well?_ This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area if expertise, Lupin. Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?'

And Severus saw it – Lupin had glanced at Harry in less than a fraction of second.

'Full of Dark Magic?' Lupin asked. 'Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as thought it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who tries to read it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke-shop –'

'Indeed?' he interrupted again. His fury was growing stronger at each of Lupin's words – how dare he lie like that, liar, liar, liar... After all, _he_ knew more about that parchment than himself... 'You think a joke-shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it _directly from the manufacturers_?'

Inheritance, perhaps?

He stared at Lupin's expression to watch guilt or something that gave him away – but nothing. Liar, liar.

'You mean, from Mr Wormtail or one of these people?'

_You know better than me, Moony_.

Moony. How... clever a name.

'Harry, do you know any of these men?'

'No.'

_Of course not – two are dead, one's a fugitive, and one is standing right in front of him with another identity._

'You see, Severus? It looks like a Zonko product to me –'

There was a loud bang, and the door flew open, revealing the Weasley boy gasping for breath.

'I – gave – Harry – that – stuff,' he seemed to be dying. Jolly good. 'Bought – it – in – Zonko – ages – ago –'

'Well! That seems to clear that up!' Lupin said cheerfully – Severus glared at him with anger. Anything, _absolutely anything_ that could save him from this situation. 'Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?' he took the map from the desk. Of course. _Of course_. Go ahead, Moony. Hide the evidence. 'Harry, Ron, come with me, I need a word about my vampire essay. Excuse us, Severus.'

_Vampire essay my ass,_ he thought wildly as Lupin closed the door behind them.

He was right. That parchment – that parchment had been created by those four disgusting, arrogant Gryffindors. Or at least two arrogant Gryffindors, one Prefect and one git.

He was right.

The Marauders had managed to last in time.

He was right.

The Marauders were inside Hogwarts at that same moment, the presence of the four of them, together, united, exactly as they had been twenty years ago.

* * *

**MARAUDERS! dances conga**


	26. Childhood Grudge

**I'm sleeeepy. And I still have that unfinished report to do. The one I tried for the New Moon Song Dx

* * *

**'_All right… but you'll need to help me, Sirius, I only know how it began…_' 

The door creaked loudly when he opened it, and Severus winced beneath the Invisibility Cloak. How idiotic of him. At once he saw five faces staring straight past him; the Potter boy, Granger, Weasley, Lupin – and Sirius Black. He knew it. He knew it. The werewolf had been helping him all alone. And now here he was – the proof that he was right. How foolish of Dumbledore to trust him –

He stepped away just in time to avoid Lupin bumping into him.

'No one there...' he said, not moving from his place.

'This place is haunted!' exclaimed Weasley. Childish assumptions – if he knew the truth –

'It's not,' Lupin defied, 'The Shrieking Shack was never haunted... the screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me.'

Severus waited for the reaction – gasps, screams, _something_, but they didn't arrive. He looked closely at the student's expressions. Oh, of course they would know already. _Granger_. At least his werewolf essay had proven more useful than he intended – his main purpose was to make them suffer.

'That's where all of this starts – with my becoming a werewolf.'

No reactions.

'None of this would have happened if I hadn't been bitten... and if I hadn't been so foolhardy... I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days...'

_And that's the story of your life,_ Severus thought, rolling his eyes, as the werewolf explained everything about becoming a werewolf. As if his essay hadn't taught them enough.

_Well, only Granger has the brains enough to learn something like that_. _Potter would be lost without her. I wonder if they're going out. Ugh._

His eyes flickered across their faces, across a squeaking rat on Weasley's lap, and finally rested on Black.

Black.

The reason behind his childhood suffering. The reason behind his despite for all Gryffindors.

The reason behind her death.

The fingers around his wand tightened compulsively. With just one flick of his wand it would be over... _he_ would be over...

'... but apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black... Peter Pettigrew... and of course, your father, Harry – James Potter.'

Severus' eyes shot to Potter's position as the name broke his defenses against the past. _James Potter_...

Harry's green eyes moved over to Sirius for a second, and Severus noticed them – the deep, emerald eyes that had once belonged to her...

'Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sort of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and I had to go home to see her... I was terrified they would desert me the moment they find out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth... And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.'

'My dad, too?' Harry asked him.

Severus gazed at his eyes again... A doe, a silver, Patronus doe appeared in his mind. How long had it been since he had last conjured it to ease his pain...? And yet he had never wondered why Lily Evans' Patronus was a doe as well...

And the truth stabbed him as if Lupin had turned around and had dug a knife in his chest.

_Prongs_. Prongs. A stag. A stag – and a doe. Potter – and Lily.

His breathing quickened and he quickly gripped the door's frame to avoid falling – his knees were already weakening.

The truth was lying on his face.

Lily loved James Potter. Yes, he had known it – but it had never hit him as hard as it was now. They were _meant to be_. A stag and a doe – _they loved each other_. And the Potter boy –

The fruit of their love.

Their true love – fate.

'... I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds and Hogsmeade than we did... And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and sign it with our nicknames. Sirius is Padfoot. Peter is Wormtail. James was Prongs.'

Prongs.

'What sort of animal –?'

'That was still really dangerous!' the Granger girl exclaimed, cutting across Potter in mid-question. He knew the question he was going to ask already – but the answer was so obvious...

'Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?'

'A thought that still haunts me. And there were near misses, many of them.'

_Unfortunately, everything turned out okay_, Severus thought with dislike.

'We laughed about them afterwards.'

_Sure you would. Arrogant toerags._

'We were young, thoughtless – carried away with our own cleverness.'

"_Carried away" was a bit of an understatement, wasn't it?_

Lupin went on talking about Dumbledore and Sirius, but this time Severus paid attention. So Sirius had used his Animagus form to enter the school grounds...

It couldn't be so simple, so innocent. Sirius Black was a Death Eater – allied with the werewolf.

'... learnt from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it... so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along.'

Bingo.

'Snape?'

Severus turned quickly to Black, and the previous hatred he had felt for him intensified.

'What's Snape got to do with it?'

'He's here, Sirius,' Lupin answered, 'He's teaching here as well.'

Severus sneered when he saw Black's scowl.

'Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defence Against The Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted.'

Very accurate.

'He has his reasons... you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me –'

The memory of the werewolf and James Potter assaulted him.

'It served him right,' Black sneered, 'Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to... hoping he could get us expelled...'

Yes, exactly. And he had been right all along.

'Severus was very interested in where I went once a month. We were in the same year, you know, and we – er – didn't like each other very much. He especially disliked James.'

Disliked. Ha.

'Jealous, I think, of James' talent on the Quidditch pitch...'

_What?_ He wasn't jealous – he had never been jealous! Jealousy was for fools... He despised the way he was arrogant about it, how Potter boasted about his great Quidditch talent... Never jealous... How _dared _he mention...

'Anyway, Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me towards the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be – er – amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree-trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me.'

Yes, he remembered. Vividly.

'Well, of course, Snape tried it – if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf – but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk of his life... Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden to tell anybody by Dumbledore, but from that time on he knew what I was...'

He hadn't noticed it, but suddenly he realized he was holding his wand in front of him, pointing straight at Lupin – and anger and fury and hate had taken hold of him... _Never, ever, ever_ had James been a hero – _never_...

'So that's why Snape doesn't like you,' Potter said, 'because he thought you were in on the joke?'

'That's right,' Severus answered unconsciously, and when he realized he had spoken aloud, he removed the Invisibility Cloak off him. The Granger girl screamed and Black and Potter jumped up. The Slytherin threw the Cloak to one side as he said, 'I found this at the base of the Whomping Willow. Very useful, Potter, I thank you...'

Everybody in the room were staring at him in shock, and he decided to play a little longer – after all, now he was visible again and had a mass murderer, a werewolf, and three to-be-expelled students under his power, there was no reason to hurry.

'You're wondering, perhaps, how I knew you were here? I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your Potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along. And very lucky I did... lucky for me, I mean. Lying on your desk was a certain map. One glance at it told me all I needed to know. I saw you running along this passageway and out of sight.

'Severus –'

'I've told the Headmaster again and again that you've been helping your old friend Black into the castle, Lupin, and here's the proof. Not even I dreamed you would have the nerve to use this old place as your hideout –'

'Severus, you're making amistake,' Lupin interrupted, 'You haven't heard everything – I can explain – Sirius is not here to kill Harry –'

'Two more for Azkaban tonight,' Severus said, 'I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this... he was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin... a _tame_ werewolf...'

'You fool... Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?'

And he lost it. He didn't know why, but he just lost it, and a second later Lupin fell to the floor, roped. Black roared and charged towards him, but Severus turned his wand to him.

'Give me a reason. Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will.'

This was the time. Revenge, that was all he wanted. For everything – for being mocked at during their Hogwarts years, for being jinxed, for being humiliated, _for killing Lily..._

'Professor Snape – it – it wouldn't hurt to hear what they've got to say, w-would it?' Granger stuttered.

'Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school. You, Potter and Weasley are out of bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf. For once in your life, _hold your tongue_.'

'But if- if there _was_ a mistake –'

'KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL! DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!'

This was _his_ time, _his_ moment of glory, of triumph...

'Vengeance is very sweet,' he told Black, mocking _him_, 'How I hoped I would be the one to catch you...'

'The joke's on you again, Severus,' Black snarled, 'As long as the boy brings his rat up to the castle – I'll come quietly...'

'Up to the castle? I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the Dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black... pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay...'

'You – you've got to hear me out,' Black's face was getting whiter each second that passed, 'The rat – look at the rat –'

'Come on, all of you,' Severus ignored him and grabbed the ends of the ropes that were bounding Lupin, 'I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him, too –'

He turned to the door, carefully pointing at Black, but suddenly, his path was blocked.

'Get out of the way, Potter, you're in enough trouble already. If I hadn't been here to save your skin –'

'Professor Lupin could have killed me about a hundred times this year,' Potter interrupted, and Severus felt the typical rush of hatred inside him, 'I've been alone with him loads of times, having defense lessons against the Dementors. If he was helping Black, why didn't he just finish me off theb?'

'Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works. Get out of the way, Potter.'

'YOU'RE PATHETIC! JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN –'

'SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!' Severus bellowed at the boy, 'Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck, you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he'd killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black – now get out of the way, or I will _make_ you.'

Potter didn't move.

'GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!'

It happened in a fraction of second – Lily's eyes suddenly twinkled with decision, and he hurried to stop him –

'_Expelliarmus!_'

* * *

**Remember that at the time Snape didn't know Sirius was innocent - he was totally carried away - he just wanted REVENGE. i mean SIRIUS BULLIED HIM and now he got the chance to pay him back.**

**AND I WROTE WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT, BGE D STAG/DOE!**

**Promisin to update soon,**

**Me :3**


	27. Egg

**Lousy chapter nevermind gotta go bye!**

* * *

A loud, screechy wailing woke him up.

'Damn it,' he grumbled as he stepped out of his bed and opened his office's door. He met nothing but blackness.

Either Peeves was wrecking havoc again, or some student was out of bed.

'Lumos,' he said firmly, stretching his wand-arm in front of him and starting to glide across corridors, through doors, until he finally heard a voice not far away from him.

'_... I'm coming to get you, Peeves... you've gone and stolen a Trwiwizard clue, Peeves... Dumbledore'll have you out of here for this, you filthy pilfering poltergeist..._'

'Filch? What's going on?' Severus asked when he reached the spot where he was able to see the Squib climbing up the stairs with his filthy cat by his side.

'It's Peeves, professor,' he whispered, 'He threw this egg down the stairs.'

Alarmed, Severus ran to him – an _egg_?

'Peeves? But Peeves couldn't get into my office...'

'This egg was in your office, Professor?'

Filch showed him the big, golden egg.

'Of course not. I heard banging and wailing –'

'– I was coming to investigate –'

'– Peeves threw it, Professor –'

'– and when I passed my office, I saw that the torches were lit and a cupboard door was ajar! Somebody has been searching it!'

'But Peeves couldn't –'

'I know he couldn't, Filch!' Severus exclaimed, angry – how moronic could he be? 'I seal my office with a spell none but a wizard could break! I want you to come and help me search for the intruder, Filch.'

'I – yes, Professor – but –' he looked up the stairs unwillingly, 'The thing is, Professor, the Headmaster will have to listen to me this time, Peeves has been stealing from a student, it might be my chance to get him thrown out of the castle once and for all –'

'Filch,' Severus started, trying to calm down himself, 'I don't give a damn about that wretched poltergeist, it's my office that's –'

He stopped abruptly. The clunking sound of a wooden leg could be heard near them, and indeed, soon enough, Mad-Eye Moody had appeared behind them.

'Pyjama party, is it?' he growled.

'Professor Snape and I heard noises, Professor,' Filch hurried to inform, 'Peeves the poltergeist, throwing things around as usual – and then Professor Snape discovered that someone had broken into his off–'

'Shut up!' Severus hissed at him. All he cared about was that idiotic creature. _Lame_.

He stared at Moody, who's magical eye traveled over him and then, for a minute or two, it stopped in a spot behind him. Severus narrowed his eyes. That eye could see through _everything_...

Suddenly, he felt self-conscious.

'Did I hear that correctly, Snape?' Moody asked, 'Someone broke into your office?'

'It is unimportant,' he answered coolly. People did have a knack to get into other people's business.

'On the contrary, it is very important. Who'd want to break into your office?'

'A student, I daresay,' he said. _A student_, ha. _The_ student. 'It had happened before. Potion ingredients have gone missing from my private store cupboard... students attempting illicit mixtures, no doubt...'

'Reckon they were after potion ingredients, eh? Not hiding anything else in your office, are you?'

Blood drained from his face.

'You know I'm hiding nothing, Moody... as you've searched my office pretty thoroughly yourself.'

'Auror's privilege, Snape,' Moody smiled, 'Dumbledore told me to keep an eye –'

Severus clenched his teeth together. _How dared he_... 'Dumbledore happens to trust me. I refuse to believe that he gave you orders to search my office!'

''Course Dumbledore trusts you. He's a trusting man, isn't he? Believes in second chances. But me – I say there are spots that don't come off, Snape. Spots that never come off, d'you know what I mean?'

Unconsciously, his right hand seized his left forearm and pressed it tightly. How dared he blame him of being on Voldemort's side... after all he had suffered for it – how he _dared_ even suggest it...?

And Moody laughed.

'Get back to bed, Snape.'

'You don't have the authority to send me anywhere!' Severus hissed – his temper flying again. 'I have as much right to prowl this school after dark as you do!'

'Prowl away. I look forward to meeting you in a dark corridor some time... you've dropped something, by the way...'

Moody pointed at something lying some steps behind him, and Severus, along with Filch, wheeled around. What the –?

He leaned forward to grab it, a vague memory flickering in his mind...

'_Accio _parchment!'

Just some inches away from his fingers, the parchment flying into Moody's open hand.

'My mistake. It's mine – must¿ve dropped it earlier –'

'Potter.'

Severus stared at the golden egg in Filch's hand. It was from a Triwizard champion, no doubt. Delacour was in the Beauxbatons carriages; Krum was in his ship; Diggory... damn too good and noble to go sneaking around the castle at night. And that parchment – the way it was folded, the width, the way it seemed to be old, very old... He had seen it before. In his own office.

Mr Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.

Potter.

'What's that?' asked Moody, getting the parchment into his pocket.

'Potter!' Severus turned his head to stare at the same spot he had seen Moody's magical eye rest some moments earlier, 'That egg is Potter's egg. That piece of parchment belongs to Potter. I have seen it before, I recognize it! Potter is here! Potter, in his Invisibility Cloak!'

There was no time to waste, or else the little brat would run away. He stretched out his arms in front of him and began walking up the stairs, sniffing the air –

'There's nothing there, Snape!' Moody called. 'But I'll be happy to tell the Headmaster how quickly your mind jumped to Harry Potter!'

'Meaning what?' Severus turned his head to him, furious. Was he _threatening _him?

'Meaning that Dumbledore's very interested to know who's got it in for that boy! And so am I, Snape... very interested...'

Severus scowled. For a moment, nobody spoke, nobody moved, they all stared at each other in the darkness – and finally he lowered his arms.

'I merely thought,' he told Moody, 'that if Potter was wandering around after hours again... it's an infortunate habit of his... he should be stopped. For – for his own safety.'

His insides snorted.

'Ah, I see,' Moody said softly, 'Got Potter's best interests at heart, have you?'

_Not his..._ But he wouldn't get into details with Alastor Moody.

'I think I'll go back to bed,' he finally said, ignoring's Moody's jibes and Filch's comments about Peeves.

He had been close.

So close.

* * *

**YES, I didn't make Snapey actually SEE his disturbed office cuz when I realized I was lazy to change it BYE!**

**Next chap already doen so coming up shortly!**


	28. Worst Memory

**Woot woot! I've got a work due for tomorrow - it's 8:45 pm - but I'm not in the mood of it. Guess I'll get a nice shower and watch a little of Prison Break before I actually start doing it... around 1 am. Or 2.**

* * *

The door opened, revealing a fuming Harry Potter, and closed again, but his Potions Master didn't turn around to stare at him,

'You're late, Potter,' Severus scolded him coldly. He dropped some of his memories into Dumbledore's Pensieve – just a precaution. If the Potter kid managed to penetrate his mind once again – well, there were certain things he just couldn't see.

'So. Have you been practicing?' he asked him, turning around.

'Yes,' the boy answered.

He tried to avoid the sneering.

'Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?' Snape said in a silky voice. 'Wand out, Potter.'

The boy did as told, and faced him with a fierce expression – Severus narrowed his eyes.

'On the count of three, then,' he said lazily. Piece of cake. 'One – two –'

The door suddenly burst open and Draco Malfoy stumbled inside the room.

'Professor Snape, sir – oh – sorry –'

'It's alright, Draco. Potter is here for a little remedial Potions.'

The effect was just as hoped. Draco's face lightened with enthusiasm and joy.

'I didn't know.'

'Well, Draco, what is it?'

'It's Professor Umbridge, sir – she needs your help.'

Oh, damn, _no_. Anything – anything except _her_.

'They've found Montague, sir, he's turned up jammed inside a toilet on the fourth floor.'

Severus stared at Draco. _What?_

'How did he get in there?' he demanded.

'I don't know, sir, he's a bit confused.'

'Very well, very well. Potter,' Severus turned to his victim, 'we shall resume this lesson tomorrow evening.'

He crossed his office and swept through the door before Malfoy, who closed his office's door. They both marched silently to the place the blonde had mentioned, and sure enough, Umbridge was interrogating the poor Slytherin. He was sitting on the bathroom's floor, holding his head and moaning with a scowl etched on his face.

'... it's alright, dear, it's quite alright,' Umbridge was saying in her sweet, enervating voice. 'Madam Pomfrey will take care of you. Now tell me – _how did you get in here?_'

'Aaaawgh,' Montague choked out, and Malfoy stood solemnly beside him.

'Mr Montague,' Severus said firmly when he was standing right in front of him, '_What happened_?'

'I – I –'

Severus caught a glimpse of Draco kicking Montague's side with his foot, but he didn't scold him – it had actually worked.

'OW!' Montague cried, and turned to Draco, frowning.

'Very good, Mr Malfoy,' Umbridge smiled at him. 'Now – _what happened to you_?'

'I – I –' Montague glanced at Draco, who lifted his foot, '_Don't! _I don't know what happened I was – I was floating and – and it was – it was weird because I kind of – heard voices and –'

Malfoy scoffed.

'Let me be clear, Mr Montague,' Umbridge smiled sweetly at him, 'Blubbering doesn't suit me. It would help if you made the sentences _flow_.'

'I was floating, and it was all _dark_, I can't remember much!' Montague exclaimed angrily, 'I was all whoopy and, and I heard voices – some of them were from students, here at Hogwarts, but sometimes I heard other voices, from other kind of people – adults, I guess –'

'And how did you get in there, may I ask?' Severus asked, raising his eyebrows.

'I – can't remember – I _think_ someone through me into it –'

'Into _what_?' Umbridge asked hysterically.

'A kind of – wardrobe – I don't know, don't ask me, my head _hurts!_'

Umbridge straightened up, and exhaled sharply, not taking her eyes away from him. Severus stared at Malfoy – something in his expression seemed to be speculating, as if he had recognized what was going on...

'Very well,' Umbridge interrupted his thoughts, 'Very well. Mr Malfoy, kindly take Mr Montague to the Nursery.'

'Yes, Professor,' Draco said, and lifted the confused Slytherin up. Slowly, they left the bathroom, and Severus marched behind them quickly to escape from the mighty toad.

He watched them go silently, and, when he was sure he was out of reach of the High Inquisitor, he slowed his pace. That had been quite weird. Blackness, _floating_, voices... A wardrobe?

Well, Montague had always been kind of stupid. No. Not _kind of_. He was just stupid and brute. Like a thinner version of Goyle. Ugh.

He opened his office door and stared at the empty chair in the middle of the room. Good, Potter had left. Occlumency was just a waste of time with a mind like his – weak. Easy prey to the Dark Lord. Breakable, like a –

He stopped dead.

Dumbledore's Pensieve was there, where he had left it. But there was something strange – movement inside it. Slowly, breathing hard, he got closer.

A fifteen-year-old version of himself was hanging upside down in mid-air, while a fifteen-year-old James Potter argued with a fifteen-year-old... Lily Evans.

His heart stopped.

Potter.

No.

He grabbed the sides of the Pensieve furiously and literally dived into its watery substance – and not more than two seconds later, he was standing only feet behind Harry Potter, only feet away from the green-eyed redhead.

'...walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.'

'Evans! Hey, EVANS!'

Severus stared at the dark, red hair flying behind her as she marched away from the Gryffindors. How much time had gone by? How many years? How many months, days, hours, minutes trying to repress that disgusting memory from his life – and now it was being laid off before his nose.

'What is it with her?'

'Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate.'

'Right. Right –'

A flash of light, and the younger version of himself was hanging upside down once again –

'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?'

He didn't think about it – it just happened. The fury inside him was bursting – the anger – how that big, fat, arrogant toerag had ended up with someone like her, someone who had hated him so much, someone who could have ended up better than she was now –

'Having fun?'

His hand had gripped Harry's shoulder with as much force as possible.

And they were back in the dungeons again.

'So. _So..._ been enjoying yourself, Potter?'

'N-mo,' Harry stuttered, staring at him in fear – but Severus didn't let go.

'Amusing ma, your father, _wasn't he_?'

And it was bursting, it was overpowering him – the longing to rip and to tear apart something, to break and to kick and to scream –

'I – didn't –'

Severus threw the boy onto the floor with all his might.

'_You will not repeat what you saw to anybody!_' he bellowed.

'No, no, of course I w-'

'_Get out, get out, I don't want to see you in this office ever again!_'

He took hold of the first thing that was near – a jar of dead cockroaches – and aimed to the boy's head as he hurried out the door, but missed.

It closed loudly, and Severus gazed at it, breathing hard, shaking with anger...

With one breath, he let it all away, and collapsed on the floor, panting. He winced and swallowed. He closed his eyes and let his head drop back.

A trembling hand reached his chest and pressed tightly against his heart.

Mudblood...

Severus sighed heavily as tears rolled down his nose.

* * *

**Poor Snapey-doo :( He _loved_ her. (Note: I can sense a big, BIG review from BGE out of this short, innocent comment.)**


	29. Disturbing Discovery

**Just read it.**

* * *

Severus knocked the door.

'Come in,' said a voice inside. Silently, the Slytherin Head pushed open the door and closed it behind him. Dumbledore was staring out of the window, gazing at the sun set in the horizon.

'Dumbledore,' Severus greeted. The old man turned around and smiled at him.

'Well, hello, Severus,' Dumbledore smiled, 'To what do I owe the pleasure?'

'I've got some reports… about the Occlumency lessons.'

'Ah, yes,' Dumbledore raised his index finger and strode around his desk just to stand in front of it. 'I have been thinking about it.'

Severus waited.

'How are the classes progressing?' the Headmaster asked.

'Not at all well,' Severus gritted his teeth, 'The boy has trouble in blocking his mind. He is weak, and the Dark Lord will penetrate very ea–'

'You know, Severus, black is not really your colour.'

Severus gaped at him.

'Excuse me?'

'Yes, it flattens you. You should wear something else…Pink would really highlight the colour of your eyes.'

Severus stared at him.

'Yes.'

He paused.

'As I was saying, Headmaster, the boy finds it hard to free his mind of emotions. Anger really posses him, especially in my classes –'

'Not to worry, Severus,' Dumbledore smiled. 'I'm sure the boy will make it in the end. He's smart, brave, and he's really pretty.'

Severus widened his eyes. _What?!_

'Those eyes of his make one's heart jump,' Dumbledore continued, apparently to himself, 'The girl who finally chooses him will be very fortunate, don't you think, Severus?'

The man glanced at his superior in fear.

'Yes, Headmaster.'

Dumbledore started to hum to himself a song that very much resembled '_Gloria_.' Only seconds had passed when he started shaking his waist to the rhythm.

'Headmaster?'

Dumbledore turned around to face him.

'Yes, Severus?'

'Occlumency.'

'Right. Go on, please.'

Severus wettened his lips.

'The boy keeps having this dreams,' he said slowly, watching for any unusual reaction from the old man, 'the ones about the Department of Mysteries.'

'Ah, of course,' Dumbledore nodded, 'I think, Severus, they are being induced by Lord Voldemort. He has never been to the place, has he?'

'No, sir, as far as I'm concerned.'

Dumbledore nodded again and walked to a large cupboard. He opened the doors and started searching for something inside.

'Headmaster?'

Dumbledore turned to him again. 'Yes, Severus.'

'The dreams… don't they concern you?'

'My top priority now,' Dumbledore answered as he kept moving objects from one place to another, 'is to buy some new nail polisher. Apparently, I've run out of it.'

Severus stared at him in disbelief.

'But yes, that concerns me too,' Dumbledore closed the cupboard doors and walked to the Slytherin. 'If Voldemort finally possessed the boy… It wouldn't be good for any of us. His pretty eyes would turn red and his nose would go missing. Pity, because it's very cute.'

Severus didn't speak, and after some minutes of silence, Dumbledore frowned.

'You know, Severus,' he said slowly, 'your hair really needs cleaning.'

The man widened his eyes in shock.

'I recommend you use Head & Shoulders,' the old man continued, 'because it also leaves your hair so silky and straight. I use it on my beard,' he smiled and pointed happily at the long, white hairs. 'See?'

Severus swallowed.

'Yes, Headmaster.'

'Oh, please,' Dumbledore scoffed, 'Touch it.'

'_Excuse me?_'

'Touch my hairs.'

'Sir, I don't think –'

'Don't be shy, Severus. I know you want to.'

He didn't answer.

'Touch it, Severus.'

He opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore interrupted him.

'Come on, touch it. Don't be shy.'

Slowly, he raised a trembling hand and touched Dumbledore's long beard with the tip of his fingers.

'Oh, dear,' Dumbledore frowned in exasperation, grabbed Severus' wrist and pressed against his beard, rubbing it all over. 'See? Long and silky.'

Severus' expression was of utter horror. When his hand was freed, he backed away and saved it in his pocket.

'Now, about Harry,' Dumbledore seemed serious now, and Severus sighed. 'You worry too much, Severus. Things will go fine. Stop worrying or you'll get all wrinkled. No one wants that to happen, especially because of that pretty face you've got.'

'Headmaster, I think I should –'

'Stop worrying, Severus.'

Abruptly, yet softly, Dumbledore grabbed Severus' hand.

'Everything is fine.'

Severus stood frozen on the spot as Dumbledore's thumb stroked the back of his hand. He tugged it free and backed up again. Dumbledore, far from being disappointed, smiled and returned to his desk.

'_Gloria, Gloria, Gloria halleluiah..._' he sang as he sat down on his chair. 'Severus, I've been thinking.'

The addressed didn't respond.

'Could you go to that Muggle Video-renting place, Ghostbusters, and bring me _Gone With The Wind_? I do enjoy that movie.'

He smiled.

Severus gaped at him.

'Yes, Headmaster.'

He turned around to leave, when a high-pitched squeal pierced his ear. Severus wheeled around in surprise, and found Dumbledore staring sadly at a handful of ashes inside a cage.

'Oh my god, he was so pretty and strong!' he sobbed. Severus swallowed. 'I wish Grindelwald wasn't in jail anymore.' He turned to Severus abruptly and beamed. 'He _did_ know how to cheer me up.'

Silence reigned in the room. Severus, wide-eyed, nodded, and hurried to get out of the room.

As soon as he closed the door, he ran for it.

This would cost him years of counseling.

* * *

**I WAS JUST KIDDING WITH THIS CHAPTER.**

**I JUST NEEDED TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS xD**

**And Henry Cavill is NOT sexy! NONONO! -pukes-**

**Me :3**

**PS: Gloria, Gloria! Gloria halleluiah...**


	30. Patronuses

**Short chappie while I watch 'An Inconvenient Truth' . Had it on my computer and thought I'd see it (they told me it was good). So bye!**

* * *

Draco opened the door, closely followed by Severus. The teacher stepped inside the office, and was stunned.

'You wanted to see me, Headmistress?' he asked as he looked around.

Crabbe was holding Longbottom by the throat, nearly choking him, Warrington was in possession of the Weasley boy while his sister struggled against her captor, Bulstrode and Granger seemed to be in a fight that the Gryffindor was obviously losing, and Lovegood gazed at the window as if nothing was happening. Potter was on the floor against Umbridge's desk, staring into the toad's face with hate, while she knelt beside him.

'Ah, Professor Snape,' beamed Umbridge, standing up, 'Yes, I would like another bottle of Veritaserum, as quick as you can, please.'

Severus kept his expression blank. Yes, the 'Veritaserum,' he had faked.

'You took my last bottle to interrogate Potter. Surely you did not use it all? I told you that three drops would be sufficient.'

'You can make me some more, can't you?' she asked in her dangerously sweet voice, flushing.

'Certainly,' he sneered, 'It takes a full moon-cycle to mature, so I should have it ready for you in around a month.'

And he had thought that infuriating Potter was fun, he thought as Umbridge's toad face reddened.

'A month?' she repeated, '_A month_? But I need it this evening, Snape! I have just found Potter using my fire to communicate with a person or persons unknown!'

'Really?' Severus asked, turning to the boy, 'Well, it doesn't surprise me. Potter has never shown much inclination to follow school rules.'

He gazed into Harry's deep, emerald eyes.

'I wish to interrogate him!' Umbridge squeaked, 'I wish you to provide me with a potion that will force me to tell me the truth!'

'I have already told you that I have no further stocks of Veritaserum,' he said, thinking about the fourteen little bottles hidden in a cupboard in his office, 'Unless you wish to poison Potter – and I assure you I would have the greatest sympathy if you did – I cannot help you. The only trouble is that most venoms act too fast to give the victim much time for truth-telling.'

He stared back to Potter, and saw him staring back at him with a strange expression – desperation? Well, he had gotten himself in that situation. His problem for now.

'You are on probation!' Umbridge shrieked at him, and he raised his eyebrows. 'You are being deliberately unhelpful! I expected better, Lucius Malfoy always speaks most highly of you!'

_And I care, __why_

'Now get out of my office!'

_My pleasure_, he thought as he glanced at the pink walls and kitty plates. He bowed at the so-called Headmistress and turned around.

'He's got Padfoot!'

Severus froze.

'He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!'

'Padfoot? What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What does he mean, Snape?'

He wheeled around slowly and gazed into Harry's eyes, trying to decipher his thoughts…

'_Lord Voldemort is waiting…'_

'_You'll have to kill me…'_

_A room that glittered…_

'_Crucio!'_

_Glass spheres over shelves…_

_Sirius Black's bloody face staring up at him with dislike._

'I have no idea,' Severus said coldly, not taking his eyes away from the boy. 'Potter, when I want nonsense shouted at me I shall give you a Babbling Beverage. And Crabbe, loosen your hold a little. If Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if you ever apply for a job.'

He did not glance back at Potter as he closed the door. Standing still, his hand still on the handle, Severus tried to process the information… Black, in the Department of Mysteries, with spheres all around, and the Dark Lord torturing him…?

No more than two seconds had passed when something clicked in his brain. Freeing the handle from his grip, he hurried to the nearest tower, side-stepping any student in his way and docking a few points as he passed, until he finally reached an empty room with one large window.

The sun was beginning to set, creating a beautiful landscape, but he did not stop to watch; pointing his wand out to the horizon, he said loud and clear, 'Expecto Patronum!'

A silver doe erupted from the tip of his wand and galloped into the sky, carrying his message to the Headquarters.

'Go, Lily,' he whispered, and turned away from the window.

And he waited. Patiently. Until a silver dog raced through where his doe had left.

'_I'm safe and sound at my place with the Order,_' Sirius' voice said, annoyed, '_Why, what's up, Snape?_'

Severus sighed and leaned over the window. So the Dark Lord had gotten that image into the boy's mind to lure him… How smart. And he had kicked him from his Occlumency lessons when he most needed it. Well, he had told Dumbledore – this hadn't been an enjoyable task, and Dumbledore always knew that something could go wrong…

Movement on the grounds caught his attention. Down below, three figures were making their way into the forest – the pink cardigan screamed the word 'Umbridge' at him. The other two figures he recognized quickly – he was not that far away from the ground. Potter on the lead, along with a bushy-haired person – ah, Granger.

He watched them disappear among the trees, worried. What the hell was she doing?

Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen.

Far away from him, a group of trees shook and the ground trembled.

Oh, damn.

He stared intently at the trees, his concern growing as no sign of life could be seen. He did see the Weasleys, Longbottom and Lovegood running into the forest behind them, but nothing else. They weren't coming out.

What if Potter had taken for real the vision? What if he was hurrying to save him – what if he was hurrying to his own death?

He did the same as before – direct his wand towards the disappearing sun and letting the doe run freely.

_Potter's going to the Department of Mysteries. He believes Sirius is being tortured there. Save him, now._

* * *

**Snape-a-doodle!**

**PS: I have a Note To Readers in my profile because of last chapter. Please, READ!**

**Thank you :3**

**Me :3**


	31. Lies

**OH MY GOD I'M SO FREAKING SORRY, SOSOSO SORRY FOR NOT WRITING IN A LONG TIME! AND AT THE FINAL STAGES OF THE STORY...! It's just that I'M FREAKING COLLAPSING UNDER THE IGCSEs AND FINAL EXAMINATIONS AND I'M FREAKING DYING AND I'M SO TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!**

**Forgive me:3**

* * *

'Who suspects me? For the last time, I didn't do it, OK? That Bell girl must've had an enemy no one knows about – don't look at me like that! I know what you're doing, I'm not stupid, but it won't work – I can stop you!'

Severus narrowed his eyes and glared at the blond, sixteen-year-old boy. Predictable.

'Ah...' he said slowly, 'Aunt Bellatrix has been teaching you Occlumency, I see. What thoughts are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco?'

'I'm not trying to conceal anything from _him_, I just don't want _you_ butting in!' Draco shouted at him.

It was clear in his face, if not in his mind, that it _had_ been Draco who had given the necklace to Miss Bell, for obvious reasons... Of course, Dumbledore knew about it too, but it was better to check whether he was right or not. After all, what if Draco's attempts at killing him were successful?

'So that is why you have been avoiding me this term?' Severus asked, 'You have feared my interference? You realize that, had anybody else failed to come to my office when I had told them repeatedly to be there, Draco –'

'So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!'

So now he was mocking _him_. If only he could... but he had a plan to follow.

'You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things.'

'You'd better stop telling me to come to your office, then!'

'Listen to me,' Severus lowered his voice and neared his face to the boy's, who took a step back instinctively, 'I am trying to help you.' I swore to your mother I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco –'

'Looks like you'll have to break it, then, because I don't need your protection!' Draco exclaimed. 'It's my job. He gave it to me and I'm doing it. I've got a plan and it's going to work, it's just taking a bit longer than I thought it would!'

Severus gazed at him.

'What is your plan?' he asked. If he didn't find out, Dumbledore's life would be at risk... Not that he hadn't signed his will already, but Draco could interfere with his plans.

'It's none of your business!' the boy shouted, frowning.

'If you tell me what you are trying to do, I can assist you –'

'I've got all the assistance I need, thanks, I'm not alone!'

'You were certainly alone tonight,' Severus whispered, through gritted teeth, 'which was foolish in the extreme, wandering the corridors without lookouts or backup. These are elementary mistakes –'

'I would've had Crabbe and Goyle with me if you hadn't put me in detention!' bellowed Draco, now truly angry.

'Keep your voice down!' Severus spat at him, and glanced at the door. It was late, so nobody could be around – but he couldn't be certain. 'If your friends Crabbe and Goyle intend to pass their Defense Against The Dark Arts O.W.L. this time around, they will need to work a little harder than they are doing at pres-'

'What does it matter?' Draco interrupted, scoffing, 'Defence Against The Dark Arts – it's all just a joke, isn't it, an act? Like any of us need protecting against the Dark Arts –'

'It is an act that is crucial to success, Draco! Where do you think I would have been all these years, if I had now known how to act? Now listen to me! You are being incautious, wandering around at night, getting yourself caught, and if you are placing your reliance on assistants like Crabbe and Goyle –' he raised an eyebrow at the thought.

'They're not the only ones, I've got other people on my side, better people!'

This interested him. Other people...?

This was getting dangerous.

'Then why not confide in me, and I can –'

'I know what you're up to! You want to steal my glory!' Draco shouted, now out of control. Severus stared at him with hatred. _Glory_? From the man who had killed _Lily Evans_? From the man who had taken away his reason for _living_? And Draco stared at him triumphantly, as if he had just discovered the reason behind the whole interview.

'You are speaking like a child,' Severus said slowly and coldly, 'I quite understand that your father's capture and imprisonment has upset you, but –'

Draco's face fell into a scowl in an instant, and wheeled around, slamming the classroom's door as he left. Severus stared at it. He had just blown the whole thing – he had hit a nerve there. But the dislike for the boy he felt at the moment was incomparable.

What was worse, he hadn't been able to get anything from him. And what if Draco was now suspecting him...?

He could just hope his lies would work.

* * *

**HE KILLED LILY EVANS, HE KILLED THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, YOUR EXISTENCE, YOUR WHOLE WORLD, YOUR EEEEVERYYTHIIIIIIIIING!**

**LOL at you.**


	32. The Final Death

**One of the shortest, yet most important, chapters ever.**

* * *

The office door burst open.

'_Snape! Severus! Snape!_' a frantic Flitwick screamed at him, panting, 'We must go back, come with me! We must – Death Eaters – in the castle – you must help us! Just come and –'

Severus raised his wand.

_Stupefy!_

And he watched Filius collapse on the floor thanks to his non-verbal spell.

So... the time had come. It was today. It was this night. After all he had fought, after all he had argued, he was going to do it – against his will. Dumbledore had warned him, he had pleaded for him to do it... And he had accepted, against his will he had accepted, the fool, fool, fool... Now there was no turning back, none at all...

He hurried out of the office and, to his surprise, found Granger and Lovegood staring up at him, shocked and fearful. _Potter suspected_, he thought.

'Professor Flitwick collapsed,' he said urgently, 'get in and take care of him while I help fight the Death Eaters – _go!_'

He didn't stop to look whether the two girls had obeyed him, but started to run as fast as he could, up staircases, through corridors, pulling out his wand on the way, raised up ready to fight anyone on his way –

And suddenly he saw. The Order of the Phoenix was there, plus a small addition of students – the Weasleys and Longbottom. And they were fighting – he saw Greyback running up stairs, leaving a savaged William Weasley on the floor, Gibbon unconscious on the floor, Macnair, Nott... He heard someone shouting his name, but he didn't stop there either – he kept running past Aurors, students, and Death Eaters – Draco was not there, nor where Alecto and Amycus and –

He realized where the Headmaster was taking his plan into effect, and headed for the staircase, which he climbed in less than two seconds –

And there they were. The Death Eaters, Greyback, and Malfoy staring at him, while Draco's wand pointed at a defenseless Dumbledore against the Tower's wall. Severus frowned. Potter was not there.

'We've got a problem, Snape,' blurted Amycus as soon as Severus had taken a step forward, 'the boy doesn't seem able –'

'Severus...'

The Potions Master turned to the old man. The time had come. He knew it. He could not escape from this. No, he had accepted and promised and now he had to keep his promise –

He marched to the group and pushed Malfoy aside. He knew he had to look terrifying, because everyone, even Greyback, had silenced and were watching with fear. And why wouldn't he look terrifying? He was about to commit an act he would never forgive himself for having committed – even worse than shouting Mudblood to an innocent girl...

'Severus... please...'

How could Dumbledore know that half his mind was planning to go back on his word, he did not know. But he was certain that the Headmaster was pleading him to do it, to go according to the plan, everything, absolutely everything, to keep Lily Potter's son safe... After all that had happened, after all Albus Dumbledore had done for him, after all the forgiveness he had shown him, he, Severus Snape, was going to kill him? Kill the one person that had cared for him after the death of Lily Evans, the death _he_ had led to? And yet, he had no choice. He couldn't turn away from the dying man and spoil everything they had worked for, everything they had done to fight against the Dark Lord... After all, his soul was ruined. His soul was torn apart.

_And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?_

_You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation._

Severus stared back at the man who had been his guide, his everything, for the last fifteen years of pain...

_I ask this one great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league._

Severus raised his wand.

_No. You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon..._

No, he thought. There was no turning back now.

_I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus._

'_Avada Kedavra!_'

The jet of green light that had haunted him for so long shot from the end of his wand and hit Dumbledore in the chest.

With horror, he watched as he was blasted into the air. With horror, he watched as the man who had shown him kindness beyond imaginable fell slowly over the grounds, silent, quiet, and entered the land where he would rest in peace... forever.

* * *

**Get ready, and stay prepared for The Lost Moment's end... There are only three chapters remaining plus the Epilogue - stay tuned!**

**PS: What happened to all my reviewers?! It was like, WHAM! Disappeared. Please review:3**


	33. Letter

**Read my profile for the most awesome news eeeeeeever!**

**Seriously, I mean it.**

* * *

Severus bent down and kneeled on the floor, holding a letter on his hand.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_Thank you, thank you, for Harry's birthday present! It was his favourite by far. One year old and already zooming along on a toy broomstick, he looked so pleased with himself, I'm enclosing a picture so you can see._

He looked around, searching for the picture, and gave up immediately – the only thought that he was reading a letter written by _her_ made him anxious, as well as sad.

_You know it only rises about two feet off the ground, but he nearly killed the cat and he smashed a horrible vase Petunia sent me for Christmas (no complaints there)._

And he smiled, because he couldn't help it. God, how she had cared for her sister. Yet of course, Tuney's rivalry and jealousy had pushed them apart a little. He wondered if Petunia still thought of her, still regretted insulting her as much as _he_ did...

_Of course, James thought it was so funny, says he's going to be a great Quidditch player, but we've had to pack away all the ornaments and make sure we don't take our eyes off him when he gets going_.

Severus frowned at the mention of the name. James... But somehow he didn't feel anger. He didn't feel jealousy. He... didn't feel. What had happened to him? What? He tried to remember the last time he had wanted to scream and shout and yell and cry because of that name, because of that man – and he found that he couldn't. James Potter didn't cause him anguish, didn't cause him envy, didn't... nothing.

_We had a very quiet birthday tea, just us and old Bathilda, who has always been sweet to us and who dotes on Harry. We were so sorry you couldn't come, but the Order's got to come first and Harry's not old enough to know it's his birthday anyway! James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show but I can tell –_

Yes, she could... Lily Evans had always been able to see through people, to understand them, to sympathize... to see the good things people had, to accept them just as they were. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes, but he didn't care.

_- also, Dumbledore's still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions._

Another name, yet this still hurt him. So little time had passed... But he knew he was in a better place now, and confident and satisfied because everything that he had worked for was going alright...

_If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard_.

_I cried all evening when I heard..._ He imagined her, her red hair framing her beautiful face, her deep, green eyes, puffy and pink from crying so much... For she had cared for everyone, she had loved anyone who showed kindness to the rest, anyone, even if that person had made wrong decisions and wrong turns in his life, causing them to take distance...

_Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down..._ Yes, didn't he... After all, Wormtail had sold his soul to Voldemort in exchange for protection, for power... Wormtail had sold James and Lily Potter in exchange for nothing. How couldn't he seem down... With a flicker of pain, he remembered how he had done the same thing – no, he couldn't blame Wormtail... _he_ had been the cause of her – of her _death_.

Tears started to spill from his black eyes.

_Bathilda drops in most days, she's a fascinating old thing with the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew!_

And he laughed, happily, freely...

_I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind's going, peronsally!_

_Lots of love,_

_Lily_

She had written this, all of this... she had written this with her own hand, warm and alive, alive... And he couldn't feel guilt now, he couldn't, somehow – it was melancholy and happiness and grief – because she had once been alive, and she had lived happily, and she had had the opportunity to love and be loved – who wouldn't rejoice on that thought?

Convulsed with sobs, he searched for the picture she had mentioned, and found it in a small drawer – and there she was, smiling, with James Potter and his son, _her_ son, all of them cheerful and smiling, and she was so beautiful, so pretty, so stunning...

Sniffing, he grabbed the second page of Lily's letter... her hand had traced her name there, had traced her love... And in two he tore the picture, taking with him the half were Lily beamed and laughed, and throwing away the other half...

He stayed there, kneeling beside Sirius Black's bed, shedding his tears, placing beside his heart all that was left from Lily Evans.


	34. Doe

**Thanks a LOT to Mandy for her awesome corrections :) You truly are one Snape/Lily fan!**

* * *

He peered into the darkness and raised his wand.

'_Lumos!_' he whispered. Indeed, he was in the middle of nowhere, but this was where Phineas had told him they were. He didn't dare move – he couldn't see _them_, but they certainly could see _him_, so it was better if he took precaution and didn't move around too much. He just _couldn't_ be seen.

He stared down at the sword of Godric Gryffindor in his hand.

_Do not forget it must be taken under conditions of need and valour – and he must now know that you give it!_

The words spoken by the portrait of Albus Dumbledore were etched in his mind. _Under conditions of need and valour_... Well, it seemed he would have to move around if he wanted to find something that would make Potter show _valour._

He side-stepped some bushed and trees with his wand lightening the way, wishing he wouldn't be seen, until he finally found it – a small pool, frozen by the cold. Would this be enough? Would this be an obstacle for Harry Potter? The frozen water would certainly be difficult to swim...

'_Reducto!_' he whispered, pointing his wand to the thick layer of ice. It cracked severely, and Severus raised the Sword of Gryffindor. Taking a deep breath, and wishing for no one to hear the sound, he threw the Sword with as much force as possible into one of the cracks, which cracked even more and, at last, broke. He watched as the Sword sunk down slowly, weightless... At last, it reached the bottom, and he created the proper enchantments so that Harry would not be able to conjure it up by magic.

And now all that was left was something to lead Potter there. He already knew what it was, had already planned it.

'_Nox_,' he whispered, and the light coming from the tip of his wand disappeared; he wouldn't be needing it anymore now. '_Expecto Patronum_.'

Instead of the previous light, a silver doe erupted from his wand, shedding her own silver-white light, powerful, strong...

Yes, she would be able to lead Harry Potter easily and nicely to this spot. Because it was not him, Severus, represented in that Patronus – it was Lily. And even though he wouldn't know, consciously, who it was, something deep inside him _would_ know – and he would follow, because his heart would tell him it was her, his mother, Lily Potter, who was guiding him...

'Lily...' he whispered, gazing at the doe... He sighed. 'You know what to do. Find him.'

And so he watched her go, lightly, silently, in the search of her son... And he watched until her silver light disappeared, and he was surrounded by blackness once again.

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**Get prepared for the finale...!**


	35. The Death Of A Hero

**Ladies and gentlemen... This is IT... The final chapter of 'The Lost Moments'! Plus the Epilogue right after this. And the 'THE END' chapter I post thanking everyone every time I finish a story. Please, enjoy it :)**

**For once, I'll do this correctly: Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. These are owned (?) by Joanne Kathleen Rowling. The thoughts on these characters and their actions are purely fictional. Any similarity with real life is pure coincidence.**

**LOL.**

* * *

'I have a problem, Severus.'

'My Lord?'

He was standing in front of a table, Voldemort on the opposite side. Nagini, floating by his side inside a starry sphere, coiled and swirled – it was a kind of impenetrable cage, Severus decided. The red-eyed Dark Lord raised his wand, and Severus recognized it – the Elder Wand he had taken from Dumbledore's tomb.

'Why doesn't it work for me, Severus?' he asked softly.

'My – My Lord? I do not understand. You – you have performed extraordinary magic with that wand.'

'No. I have performed my usual magic. I am extraordinary, but this wand... no. It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this wand and the one I procured from Ollivander all those years ago.'

There was a pause.

'No difference.'

Severus didn't reply. He knew what was happening, had feared it... It was here, the moment had arrived. Voldemort started pacing around the room, and Severus swallowed.

'I have thought long and hard, Severus... do you know why I have called you back from the battle?'

Yes, he knew, he knew – and he couldn't escape. He gazed at the snake and wondered...

_If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him, under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry_.

'No, my Lord, but I beg you will let me return. Let me find Potter.'

'You sound like Lucius. Neither of you understands Potter as I do. He does not need finding. Potter will come to me. I know his weakness, you see, his one great flaw. He will hate watching the others struck down all around him, knowing that it is for him that it happens. He will want to stop it at any cost. He will come.'

'But my Lord, he might be killed accidentally by one other than yourself –'

'My instructions to my Death Eaters have been perfectly clear. Capture Potter. Kill his friends – the more, the better – but do not kill him.'

Severus swallowed – people were dying back there, and Voldemort was right – Potter would be foolish enough to run to where death awaited him... Not if _he_ could stop it, but if Voldemort didn't release him – ever... he didn't know what would happen.

'But it is of you that I wished to speak, Severus, not Harry Potter. You have been very valuable to me. Very valuable.'

Fear overrode his senses.

'My Lord knows I only seek to serve him. But – let me go and find the boy, my Lord. Let me bring him to you, I know I can –'

'I have told you, no!' hissed Voldemort, and Severus' face whitened. 'My concern at the moment, Severus, is what will happen when I finally meet the boy!'

'My Lord, there can be no question, surely –?'

'- but there _is_ a question, Severus. There is.'

He stopped pacing, and Severus swallowed again. There was no escaping.

'Why did both the wands I have used fail when directed at Harry Potter?' he asked swiftly.

'I – I cannot answer that, my Lord.'

'Can't you?' Behind Voldemort's apparent calmness, Severus could sense something more intense boiling... 'My wand of yew did everything of which I asked it, Severus, except to kill Harry Potter. Twice it failed. Ollivander told me under torture of the twin cores, told me to take another's wand. I did so – but Lucius' wand shattered upon meeting Potter's.'

'I – I have no explanation, my Lord.'

Again he gazed at Nagini in its cage and remembered the words from Dumbledore's portrait... What was so valuable in the snake that it was so heavily protected...? If he could only find a way to destroy it...

'I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.'

There, he had said it, and there was no way of escaping his fate. He was now certain of what direction the conversation was taking... and it was definitely not one he would have taken willingly.

'My Lord – let me go to the boy –'

'All this long night, when I am in the brink of victory, I have sat here, wondering, wondering, wondering, why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner... and I think I have the answer.'

No word came out of Severus' mouth. The time had come and he had to do his best. _Rightful owner_... Yes, Voldemort knew.

'Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen.'

'My Lord –'

And he thought he would be able to cope with it calmly and rationally! Terror had taken power of every fibre of his being, and he could feel his hands and knees trembling –

'The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine.'

'My Lord!' Severus shouted, and finally had the sense to take out his wand and raise it high, pointing at his enemy.

'It cannot be any other way. I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last.'

Voldemort flicked the Elder Wand in the air, and Severus backed away, prepared for a counter-attack, and for a second nothing happened – a wave of relief swept inside him –

It happened so quickly he didn't realize until it was too late. All of a sudden, Nagini's cage had rolled forward and encaged him as well – he tried to break free –

Tom Riddle spoke in Parseltongue – and Nagini attacked. Severus screamed in agony as its fangs pierced the skin of his neck, and ripped the veins inside – his knees faltered and he fell to the floor, still encaged, feeling Nagini's venom flowing through his body, and blood gushing out of the wound in his neck –

'I regret it,' a pitiless voice said in the distance, and suddenly he had fallen sideways. He took his hand to his neck and pressed, trying to stop the blood from leaving his body, but it was useless – he was going to die. As he had said before, there was no escaping. His vision was already faltering, and he could feel the blood on the floor wetting him...

Out of nowhere, they were there – a pair of deep, green eyes staring into his...

It was Harry, it was him...

_If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him, under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry_.

_Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself on to the only living soul left in that collapsing building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry..._

Yes, the time was here, it was now or never, he didn't have much long – with the greatest effort, he raised his arm and grabbed Harry's robes and pulled him closer to him.

'Take... it...' speaking cost him so much effort now... 'Take... it...'

He felt his memories leaving his dying being...

And he was done – he had given Harry Potter his final contribution... He had given him all his help, and now it was all up to him... Yes, he knew Harry would succeed, he was certain that Lord Voldemort would fall down forever, and no one else would have to worry about the world they were living in... And he had helped. He had taken care of Harry Potter. He had protected him... He had kept his promise to Dumbledore, and his promise to Lily Evans. Harry Potter was safe, and he had given his life for that... for Lily's son...

Lily...

'Look... at... me...' he whispered at the boy, feeling physically weaker with every second, yet less afraid to death now...

Emerald eyes gazed back at him, and the black hair of the boy turned to long, dark red locks, and his face was now Lily's...

And he wasn't afraid anymore. Death didn't scare him. He had given his life for all the good in the world. She would be so proud...

And as the green eyes started to disappear, he welcomed death...

He would finally see Lily again...


	36. Epilogue: King's Cross

**EPILOGUE  
King's Cross**

* * *

Darkness surrounded him, and for a split second he thought he was back in the Forest of Dean, waiting with the Sword of Gryffindor in his hand –

He opened his eyes, and blinked several times. The last place that would have crossed his mind appeared before him.

It was King Cross' station.

When had it been the last time he had been there?

However, a more urging question came to his mind.

_Why_ was he there?

He racked his brains for an answer... A series of images flickered in his mind – a snake, swirling inside a starry cage... Voldemort, examining the Elder Wand with his long, white fingers... and a pair of emerald eyes.

He was dead. And yet he was... _alive_.

He looked around trying to find an answer to his question, but found the place empty. He was alone.

What was this? A kind of limbo between life and death, he thought... Somewhere in between. The place where he was given the choice to live eternally in the form of a ghost, or to – as ghosts themselves called it – 'go on.' But go on where? There was no road there he could take, no exit, no train...

As this last thought formed in his mind, vapour started to appear all around him, and he could distinctly hear it – the sound of an approaching train. He took a step forward to where the sound was coming from, and he saw it, slowly coming towards him, the lights inside compartments on, surrounded by steam...

It came to a halt before him, with one of its many doors facing him. Cautiously, he raised his hand to touch it... but it opened before the tip of his fingers had arrived.

Light flooded the spot where he stood, and a silvery, thin mist welcomed him. He peered inside the train and caught sight of two figures standing silently inside, watching, waiting...

And suddenly, one of the figures moved so quickly he had no time to react – a woman flung his arms around his neck and pressed tightly against him.

Severus heart seemed to stop.

Lily Evans was sobbing on his shoulder, her dark, red hair caressing his face.

How long had it been? Nineteen, twenty years, since he had last seen her? Since she had last been so _alive_?

'Lily...'

His hands moved clumsily to her back, and he felt the urge to cry, to kiss her hair, to comfort her...

The other figure moved closer. He was smiling, his almond-shaped eyes kind and gentle, his black hair ruffled on the top, his hands in his pockets...

'Thank you,' James Potter said, nodding in appreciation, truly thankful. 'Thank you, Severus. For everything. Thank you.'

And Severus understood why the man before him didn't cause him anger any longer – he had been the one who had made Lily Evans happiest, the one who had taken care of her when he hadn't, the one who had loved her as much as _he_ did...

Lily took a step back and stared into his face.

'We must go, Sev,' she whispered, smiling.

Severus gazed at her, awed by her beauty and by her solely presence... She was there. With him.

And she would always be.

The doors of the train closed and the Hogwart's Express started to move again, slowly at first, faster and faster, away from King's Cross, until it was only a little black dot on the horizon.

* * *


	37. THE END

**It's finished! Finally finished!**

**Well, this **_**will**_** sound really cheesy, but I swear I couldn't have made it without all of you who have been following me from the very first chapter…**

**Special thanks to BGE for having written the most wonderful reviews ever**** and given the most awesome pieces of advice; to Lilyfan06 and xxFreakshow for having been so supportive from the very beginning; to Kyria of Delphi and Mandy for having corrected me in my mistakes; and to Bluerain1984, Loser.x3, FuegoDiosa, fAiRiEpOwDeRiNg, An-Ill-Made-Nymph, ****padfoot's girl 4ev, Seth7,** **and all of those not mentioned here –sorry for that x(- for just loving the story and being so effin awesome!**

**THANKS. To all of you. You are the loveliest, schmexiest, cutest reviewers ever, and I owe you all a big hug. Even those who don't want it.**

**Snape's life has been shown in this fic, and I'm really proud of my work! This is my second completed FanFiction that actually has more than ten chapters (after the Black Rose success :3) and I'm really starting to think I can do this! **

**But t****his is NOT the end of the world, everyone. There **_**are**_** a lot of Lily/Severus Fics and I bet there are lots better than mine – I'm just some amateur writer. Mandy has requested my opinion on some of them, and I swear I haven't read one that I've liked xD But there must be, I'm dead sure. For now, I can recommend you the following HP Fics I've read and I've really liked:**

**Journal Of Lily Evans****, by **_**Zayz  
**_**The Five Senses Of Lily Evans****, by **_**A Shade of Grey  
**_**And the three Oneshots that are actually one story:  
****Plugs And Outlets, Quills And Inkbottles, Quidditch Anyone?****, all by **_**Alphie**_

**Yeah, I don't have many favorite HP fics. I'm **_**really**_** picky. **

**Well, anyway… ****I hope you're all with me in my next HP fics – and I know some will be there in my Twilight fics. I hope I meet more of you there (**_**read that book!**_

**I love you**** all.**

**And I love Snape.**

**And I love Lily and James and…**

**And…**

**-sob-**

**With the greatest fondness and love,**

**Me :3**

**Oh, and thanks to all the songs that have helped inspire me!**

**_Everytime_, by Simple Plan,  
_Hey There Delilah_, by Plain White T's,  
_She Will Be Loved_, by Maroon 5,  
_All You Wanted_, by Michelle Branch,  
****_1973_, by James Blunt,  
****_Lonely Boy_, by Black Lab,  
****_I Will Follow You Into The Dark_, by Death Cab For Cutie,  
****_These Days Are Dark_, by Harry And The Potters,  
****_Champagne Supernova_, by Oasis,  
****_Because You Live_, by Jesse McCartney  
****And many many songs I can't remember now.  
I have one crappy memory xp  
****But I hope these will inspire you as much as they have inspired me.  
****A gift from writer to reviewer :3**

**Kisses & Hugs from Falling.Twilight **


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